Crosswords1 min ago
A man bought his wife a coat made from 500 hamster skins.
She wore it when they went to Blackpool for the day ... trouble was he couldn't get her off the big wheel....
My son has been eating electrical cords.
My partner said, we need to ground him until he conducts himself better.....
My book about Poltergeists is literally flying off the shelves..
St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?" "Sure." Replied Jesus. "What...
I sent my hearing aid in for repair three years ago i heard nothing since...
Donald Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you...
AUTOPSY CLUB MEETING SATURDAY
OPEN MIKE NIGHT...
Latest news: El Nino storms are affecting trade with Asian countries. A freighter bound for Long Beach Calif. with a cargo of yo-yos got caught in a particularly violent storm. It sank 65 times....
A man walks into a pub and sees Van Gogh at the bar. "Hi Van, can I get you a drink?" "No thanks, I've got one ear."...
I got wind that the farmer in our village, was about to dig a borehole on his land, so he could Irongate his crops. As a gesture of good will, I decided to send him an oversize bucket. I later heard,...
From this morning's Telegraph:
https:/
A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. The next day the wife feeling bad about what happened decided to buy her husband a gift, and...
Sidney was not having a good day on the golf course. After he missed a 12-inch putt, his partner asked him what the problem was. "It's the wife," said Sid. "As you know, she's taken up golf, and since...
Q. Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
Customer: "Do you have any cockroaches?" Clerk: "Yes we sell them to the fishermen." Customer: " I would like 20,000 of them." Clerk: "What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?" Customer: "I'm...
"Push harder!" I shouted at my wife while she was in labour. "I hate you, I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone!" she screamed back at me. Bit harsh I thought… it wasn't my fault the car broke...
Apparently the officers operating the armoured jet skis to turn back refugees in the English Channel will be trained to use loud hailers and to use the following phrases in multiple languages. "How...
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme....
Wanda's dishwasher breaks down so she calls a repairman. Since she has to go to work the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter,...
Lawyer: Writes a 25,000 word document and calls it a "brief." Banker: Lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. Economist: Will know tomorrow why...
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