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holidays with the ex

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ol | 22:56 Mon 05th May 2008 | Law
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My husband left myself and my two yr old last yr since the he has him one night and a full day over the weekend. When he left he cleared the whole house out it was an empty shell. W dont speak. When he has dropped the little one off lately there was a note asking can he take him on holiday. I made an excuse this time.Do I have to let him take him.Oh I forgot to say when he first left he tried to abduct him from car he ended up putting baby back reported to police.

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I take it your husband is also the boy's father. If that is the case he has as much rights as far as the boy is concerned - he has automatic parental responsibility.

Are you concerned about your son's welfare - can his father be trusted to look after him properly for the period of the holiday?
More responces to be had on Chatterbank.
-- answer removed --
has the ex only had him so little because you wont allow it or because he dosent want it?
Whatever the reason, it would seem reaonable to ask that he builds up to taking him on holiday by having longer periods with him first. YoU HAVE TO START TALKING TO HIM FOR YOUR SON'S SAKE Are you going to communicate by note forever? What if he needs to speak with you while your son is with him, ie say your son cuts his hand and he wants to talk to you about it - what then?

bednobs - one night and a full day each week doesn't seem 'so little' to me.

But you're right about the not talking - it's not good at all.
It saddens me to read posts such as yours.

The only one to suffer any long term damage from you not allowing a holiday with his dad is your son. If you love your children you must allow them contact with his father and if the dad is willing you should allow him to go on holiday.

Where does he want to go with him? It is your word against his about the abduction but maybe he was so distraught over you refusing access more regularly he could think of nothing else to do?

Mind you having said that, I must wonder at what kind of father would clear a house out s his child has to love in a shell with nothing to sleep in or sit on or cook with etc etc
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FAO Pink Kittens and legends

How dare people like yourselves cannot help reather than give bad comments. I am working all the hours to pay bills eg food and trying hard to keep a roof over my little boys head. He wants for nothing. I have always let my x have my little boy whenever he asks but it is when he suits. Would u allow someone still to look after your child after they tried to abduct them and lkeave the house with not even a tv for my child to watch. Communication he took the mobile and cut off the house phone but I would like to thanku both for all ur support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant see that any of the comments you have made would prevent the father taking his son on holiday.
Working hard to kep a roof over his head is not different from millions of other families, both one parent and two parent.

not having a tv for a child of two is not child abuse, and in fact in my opinion is a good thing.
There is clearly a lot of bitterness between the two adults, seeing as its at least 5 months later and you still communicate by note, but that bitterness shouldnt affect your son.

if you dont allow it, you ex would be within his rights to take you to court to allow access and holidays and the only winners then are the solicitors
If you want a specific type of reply IE: one that you agree with please out a foot note in your posts

You didn't read my reply properly then did you? did you just read the first paragraph? I suggest you go back and read it through from start to finish

Been there, done it got so many t-shirts I need more than one wardrobe. You are both as bad as each other

Your child will be the only one who suffers, not you or the father, just the child - now that sickens me.

FYI you are not the only single parent who works more than one job to keep a roof over your heads, you are not the only wife to have an ex clear her out but, thankfully, you are amongst just the few who use their child with no thought to the childs feelings as and when it suits them

Parents such as you and your ex sicken me

Innocent children? Not in todays society with parents like you. you should bother be ashamed of yourselves

Glad to hear you are working all hours to support your child. Been there, done that. On the other hand, why isn't your partner / husband / wife? Do they not care what happens/concerns their offspring? Today's morals really worry me. Does no one consider anyone but themselves? Its a child for heaven's sake!!!!!! You brought this child into this world -both of you... You are responsible for it's welfare. Get a grip! Grow up - be responsible parents. If one of you can't do that then he/she shouldn't have responsibility for a child. Good Luck.
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To bednobs
As i replied earlier to pink kittens.My husband has my son of a weekend he doesnt have him in the week ( he use to but he now works late and my son will be in bed by the time he finishes. This bank hol he had him for three nights.I have no problem but Im new to this and just wanted a little bit of advice, whether it was a legal thing that he had to take him away. I wasnt playing the sypathy card when saying Im working a couple of jobs i was just explaing the situation. I would communicate with him but he cut the house phone off and took my mobile as he paid the bills. Of course I would not let my son go with him unless I gave a list of contact numbers incase he needs me. I love my son more than anything in the world. I only came on this site for a little bit of advice not getting alot of abuse when I havent done anything. Im justifying myself to stranges. I have spoke with awnserbank to take me off there records as I dont feel that I need or deserve this.
Please remember that as he is the child's father with equal parental responsibiltiy he cannot abduct the child - he has as much right to take him as you do.

You should let your son go on holiday with his dad.

Grow up!
ol -seriously hun -you asked for and got replies.Some obviously didnt fit into your criteria.I dont think its fair to berate people who have taken the time to give A1 replies.
Sadly your situ is not uncommon -I have been there myself but we only seperated as a couple not parents so we didnt have issues -probably mature enough not to score points !!

I am 100% with Ethel -she has summed it up in one very succinct sentence.

I hope the pair of you give yourselves a shake and put your bitterness behind you for the sake of your son xx
i dont understand what there is in my answer that has made you so upset. Truley, i just cant see it!

you have had your question answered a number of times, so i would call that useful info. you seeming used the alleged abduction, and the fact he left the house empty and withut a tv as reasons why he couldnt take yoour son on holiday, I was pointing out that these reasons wouldn't have anything to do wth him taking your son on holiday or not
I in no way impugned your parenting ability, so cant understand why you are so upset you want to leave! (btw there is noone at home in the editing dept so you probably wont get removed either)
also, you say you would communicate with him but .....
dont you see him when he picks up/drops child off?
to all you people who had had a go at this person should be ashamed of yourselves nobody knows the reason this lady does not let the childs father see more of him so until you do i would keep your comments to yourselves and as for pink kittens people like you sicken me who has nothing better to do with there time than write horrible comments and i hope you dont have children because there the ones i would feel sorry for having such a rude judgemental mum like yourself so i think in future i would keep my comments to myself saying the father might not have had any choice but to abduct the child your the one that needs help if you think this behaviour is acceptable this lady was looking for possitive answers not for you to judge her especially as you dont even know the situation if she doesnt wont the child to go on holiday with its father am sure there is a good reason why and abduction seems like a good one to me
I feel for you Ol. My ex threatened to abduct my son, who isn't actually biologically his but my other child is. That also got reported to the police, the only thing he got had for was the criminal damage he caused at the time. I continued to allow him to see the kids, eventually unsupervised but with lots of check ins.

He is emigrating to America, if he thinks my kids are going over there with him, at the ages of 6 and 2 for a holiday, he has another thing coming. Any holiday that doesn't involve his mum being there with him, is just plain out of the question.

Your toddler is only two years old, I think a holiday away from mummy is a daunting prospect. Even when my ex and I lived together, me away for one weekend was too much for my then 4 year old.

I will also add that my ex is not normal ex material, he is a bit of a violent lunatic when it comes to me but we do not know this womans full circumstances. I doubt a single one of you would reprimand me if I made the choice to prevent my ex seeing the kids, and she could be in similar circumstances.

Equal parental responsibility does not automatically give you an equal share of time. I think you need to get a formal agreement regarding access.

Baby needs to get used to staying with daddy, a weekend to begin and a build up until a holiday can be taken and you can prevent your ex leaving the country with him very easily until you are comfortable with the arrangements.

Oh and my ex cleaned my house out, of MY STUFF that only I had WORKED to get, sounds like they are cut from the same cloth.

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