Bit Of A Problem

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jourdain2 | 21:57 Sun 22nd Sep 2019 | Law
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OH is 86 years old. I am 70. We own our own house, for which I paid by far the bigger share. I also have c £20K more capital than him which is invested. I have a smallish pension c.£11,500 and he has more c. £12,500. Between us we manage OK. 2nd marriage. We are legally married.
Problem is that OH refuses to make a Will (I've asked and asked and can't push any more). He assumes that I will outlive him and says (quite rightly) that I will need his money in order to live decently.

I am no way convinced that I will outlive him - my Mum was 10 years younger than my Dad - and pre-deceased him. One of OH's sons acted in such a way that OH does not want him to get a penny - he wants to help the lady who should have been his daughter-in-law, but has no legal entitlement. His daughter was horribly rude to me earlier this year (OH says she should be sectioned - she was really nasty) and I never want to see or speak to her again - she is very well-off (detached house in N. London) and OH understands that she doesn't need any money. His remaining son is a good sort and is renting his property, so could use a bit of help. OH has 2 sons and 1 daughter. I have 2 daughters.

It's getting very complicated and I realise that I need to make a Will - but I don't know what to do. Do I make one based on my own assets in case I die first? If so (which seems sensible) how the heck do I phrase it - given that we could both die in a car-crash and I would be assumed to have survived longer than OH and therefore inherited his estate. HELP!!!


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Would be worth discussing this dilemma with a solicitor who specialises in will writing..
You don't say how your assets are owned. Anything in joint names automatically become yours. The value of his Estate also has a bearing on how it is distributed. The following flow chart advises you what would happen if he dies intestate.
It would be wise to have a professional draw up your Will to ensure nothing in the wording is ambiguous. It would take into account what you want if you predecease your husband or are the surviving spouse.
When I used to sit in with our advisers they always recommended leaving each beneficiaries share as a percentage, then it would not matter what the total assets were each would get their percentage of what is left.
Hopefully one of the legal people will be along later.
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Thanks ubasses - only the house is in joint names (he was a widower, I was a divorcee when we married).
In that case the house will be transferred to your sole name, and if his sole assets are less than £250,000 you will inherit everything.
Mally think issue is OPs OH will not make a joint will on the assumption the OP will out live him.
jourdain will your OH not give you any reason for not writing a will, or do you think you have exhausted that route.
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Thanks ubasses. Yes, assets less than £250,000, but that doesn't help me with my problem of if I pre-decease and his complicated family situation. So far as I am concerned my 2 daughters share everything apart from a few individual bequests to god-children etc.. Also his daughter is going to cut-up rough and be really, really nasty to me at a time when I will be very vulnerable. She honestly is a nasty piece of work. Thanks anyway. :)
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TonyV Yes, I've exhausted that route. OH was widowed for 17 years before I met him. He suffers from odd depressive episodes and when I have pushed the Will bit in the past he has gone
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^^^ grrrr… very quiet and not spoken for several days. That he has considered the question and returned a negative is as far as I can go. anyway bed-time now. Back tomorrow. :)
That is why you must get a professional involved in writing your Will because if you predecease him and he dies intestate your children may have to resort to a legal claim to get a share. Would he agree to changing the ownership of the house to Tenants in Common with you each owning a share equal to your contributions. You could then leave your share as you wish with your husband being allowed to stay in the property for the remainder of his life.
Does he really understand all the implications of not making a Will. Maybe if you could persuade him to accompany you to your appointment with your chosen professional, they would be able to convince him of the importance.
OK jourdain if you have gone to bed, hope you slept well. Back to your problem if you predecease him your will will be followed as far as it can be i.e liquid assets are no problem, they can be distributed upon your death. Not sure about the joint property though as it will become totally totally his or if he changes his will after your death. I would get you own independent legal advice and your own will written and at least 2 copies and the 1 lodged securely away from your property. From personal experience a partners death can really bring out the worst in their children especially when money is involved.
Keep it simple.

Here's a very rough draft for you (although it's nearly of a quarter of a century since I did this for a living):

"This is the last will and testament of me, Jourdain Two, of 23 Acacia Avenue, Sometown in the County of Hereshire. I hereby revoke all previous wills and testaments.

I desire that my body be cremated, with a Humanist service.

I appoint Fred Smith of The Larches, Uptown Road, Blogsville, in the County of Thereshire and Freda Smith of the same address as executors of my will. Should either of my executors pre-decease me, or otherwise be unable or unwilling to act as executor, I appoint the other named person to act as sole executor. Should both of these named persons be unable or unwilling to act as executors, I appoint Martha Bloggs, of 14 Hill Street, Little Hamlet, in the County of

I give the whole of my estate to my husband, Jordy Two, subject to the following proviso:

If Jordy Two shall pre-decease me, or fail to survive me for a period of thirty days, . . . [then set out your wishes, ensuring that 'the daughter-in-law who never was' gets mentioned but that the people you can't stand don't ]

Signed by me, Jourdain Two, in the presence of the witnesses who have signed below, this third day of October in the year two thousand and nineteen"

With regard to your statement that "he wants to help the lady who should have been his daughter-in-law, but has no legal entitlement", point out to your husband that he CAN'T do that UNLESS he writes a will.
^^^ The last few word of my 5th paragraph seem to have vanished but (as they were only completing a fictitious address) they're not important anyway.
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Thank you all. I'm beginning to feel my way forwards and hope that a professional can sort it out a bit better. I've pointed out, in the past, all the problems that Mr J2 dying intestate could bring - it brought on a silent period and he definitely won't do it. I really don't know why. He knows he won't live forever. He is very nervous of his virago daughter (used to spill food etc. when we had dinner there) and just wants a peaceful life.

The idea of getting him to sit in on my interview with a professional inheritance lawyer is a good one. It will cost me, but I could get a solicitor to come to me so OH can't really refuse to be there. This really feels awful. Thanks Buenchico for the 'draft'. It would be so much easier if Mr J2 would just do this - but he hates confrontation. Maybe I could get him to instruct a solicitor to write a letter swearing that I have not influenced him and that he dies intestate of his own free will. That solves the nasty daughter bit, but still leaves me with the problem of me pre-deceasing him.

Yet again, thanks all. I'll get on with the solicitor-finding. :)
Good luck Jourdain, you never know, with a solicitor present who offers to do mirror Wills (assuming you both want the same outcome) and he hasn't really got to have the stress of going through it alone, he may agree to sign it. Also a pair of mirror Wills are usually cheaper than going individually and doing separate ones.
Yes jourdain all you can do is to make sure that your wishes are covered, having a solicitor visit you is a good idea. Just get one specialising in will writing and if you can write what you want to included, would be useful and save time and hence cost, if OH would do the same that would be useful.
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Thanks both of you :) xx
Jpurdain. Best bet is a solicitor who is a member of STEP (society of trust and estate practitioners). Nowt you can do if Mr j won't engage other than make sure that your own dispositions take into account that if you go first your share of the assets eventually go to the intended beneficiaries.
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Thank you very much Barmaid. My daughter (Chartered I.F.A.) has introduced me to a solicitor she thinks will be OK. I'm seeing him on Monday (at my home)and I'll check if he is a member of STEP and understands the complexities.
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YIPPEE!!!!! Very practical chap recommended by daughter came this morning and over a cup of tea explained some of the things that making a Will guards against. Out of sheer politeness Mr. J2 sat in -and is now telling me that we should make Wills - he has really taken it on board. We are going to talk it over between ourselves, sort out our wishes and get this man, Tony, back. I'm so glad I decided to take the initiative - a couple of weeks of work and I should be able to stop worrying. Mr. J2 is even positive about writing an accompanying letter explaining his reasons for not including daughter (mainly that, by her own admission she is a very wealthy woman). Thanks for all the help, people, I hope to have this sorted out before too long. You are all such a help. Thanks again.
jourdain2 I am really pleased for you, obviously your solicitor new what to expect and got your OH on board. Brilliant.

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