Time off after bereavement.

[sg]

What would you say is the expected, and accepted amount of time to take of after the death of a family member?
thanks

[lexie..]

How close a family member are we talking about here?
Parent/sibling/grandparent?

[sara3]

immediate family, 1 week. distant relative, time off for the funeral.. 1 day, I would think.

[sg]

My dad. I think one week's ok if you do. It was expected, and I'm only sitting here on my own all day.
thanks

[factor-fiction]

No easy answer. I've known people be off for months after the death of husband/wife. Companies normally specify rules for time off for funerals/bereavement but some are flexible, especially if there is a sick note. Each company will treat it in its own way and may take a ccount of the employee's previous attendance record. There is no legal minimum/maximum as far as I know.

[lexie..]

It's sad to hear about your Dad sg. One week would be acceptable to most employers. It's best if you can get back to work as soon as you feel able though. You don't feel as if anything should be the same again, but it does help to get back to it.
xx

[ummmm]

Sorry about your Dad xxx I know how you feel. It took me over a month to just start to function again. Is it school/college or work?

BTW it doesn't matter if it was expected. In fact I think that makes it worse as you have to spend X amount of time waiting and watching.

[sara3]

I'm sorry, sg. lexie is right.. if you're going to be on your own for the week it might be better for you to get back to work sooner x

[factor-fiction]

Sorry sg- your response must have appeared while I was typing. It's really a matter for you and your employer. If you are organising the funeral and the state a week seems reasonable, although in my experience companies often specify around 3 days for this. If you feel unwell (understandable) then you could self certify for a week but it will go on your sickness record.

[mosesg]

SG Sorry to hear about your dad

At my work we get 5 days, but any extra is at your line managers discretion.

When my dad died I got 6 days off, due to when the funeral was

[Schutzengel]

sg - Condolences on the loss of your dad. Its a very difficult time, but do try to take care of yourself, and try to eat something, even if you don't feel like it.

[sg]

Thank you for all your answers.
I'll take the rest of this week off.
I spent four days/ three nights in Gloucester Infirmary, with most of the rest of my family. It was like a different world, and in a sense I have left the death in there. I'm back at home now, 100 miles away, and feeling a little numb and disconnected. I almost feel like I could go to work and get on with it as though it was just another day. Hence the glib tone of my question. I feel in a way that I should be following protocol and expectation rather than my own feelings.
This must be what it's like when it hasn't 'sunk in'.
Have you got any thoughts like that, can you empathise with that if you, perhaps have had a similar experience?

thanks again,

sg

[ummmm]

It's one of the reasons we bury our dead so quickly. Before the shock wears off.

The feeling of it 'not sinking in' in my opinion takes ages to go if at all. I still talk about my Dad as if he was alive. For a good time after he died I'd still go to phone him to ask if he was going to the pub. Then get upset all over again....

[Schutzengel]

sg - after spending so much time at the hospital, and then travelling home, you must be very overtired. Yes, it probably hasn't 'sunk in' yet. For a while, and usually until after the funeral everything seems quite unreal. Just wondering, do you have to travel back again for the funeral, and will this fit within the week you are considering staying off work. Once the funeral is over, this will give you a kind of closure to the practicalities, but you will miss your dad for a very long time. Take care.

[Merryscholar]

Get back to work if you feel up to it. Rise half an hour earlier each morning and scribble down your feelings. If no feelings come to you write anything even if its just "I have nothing to write" Just write until you have filled the page. Then get up and go about your life. Don't read what you have written. Better still if this works for you take your daily scribblings and make a small fire outside and burn the pages. You will find your mind is cleared and your soul can face the day, the week, the future. One more thought: What would you father have you do were he still alive today?

[elaine33]

I am very late in joining this thread but I want to send my condolences. I lost my daddy 11 months ago. I took a week off work as I had to help my mum with the funeral arrangements and I wrote my personal tribute to him for the funeral service.
I cannot believe it is almost a year, the time has passed in a total blur, I clearly remember Jan Feb and March of last year but the rest of it is misty, the summer the autumn and Christmas, this month is very sad as I remember this time last year he was here and very poorly in hospital. I feel as though I am only now waking up from a fuzzy sleep. I hope you have some support, and don't worry if you suddenly cry for no reason, I am still doing this and no longer feel embarrassed. My thoughts are with you.