love or in love?

[mustardchops]

whats the difference between loving somebody and being in love with them?
Sounds simple but it isnt
Someone asked me and I couldnt put it into words
Can anyone out there define it for me please?

[ummmm]

I love my Dad....but I'm not 'in' love with him.

I think it has to do with lust and passion.....as well as love.

[Octavius]

You can love your mother, but not be in love with her.

Well, unles you are from Norfolk.

[Octavius]

Perhaps Louis de Berni�res could have phrased it better than I, even without mentioning Norfolk (no of fence in ten did)�.

�Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.�

(Captain Corelli's Mandolin)

[4getmenot]

aherm oct I'm not in love with my mum. maybe my bro..... lol

[Miss Random]

I'm probably the least qualified person to post an answer on this type of question.... however,
I think when you love someone, like a member of your family, its the kind of love that is unconditional. You know them so well that even their irritating flaws are tolerable. You are comfy with them, they also accept your flaws. You also know that if anything happened to them you would be devastated, and feel as if a limb had been cut off. If you have a row and fall out, you know it's only a matter of time before things can be patched up.

Whereas, if you are in love with someone, you feel your whole being is dependant on them. They can dictate your happiness, they can also upset you more than anyone else in the world. If they withdraw their love you cannot function, mentally or physically, you feel that they have gone forever.

So like ummmm and Octavious say, you love your parents but do not feel the passion or need for them to love you in return.

In a new relationship, you can only be 'in love' but as it develops you are both 'in love' and love the person. However, when the lust, passion and dependency leave you 'just' love them, more because you care about them.
It ends up like a 'brother/ sister' relationship, a comfort zone has gone a little too far.

So, in a nutshell, ............... no sorry I can't define it for you.

[4getmenot]

miss random i'd have to say that you should never ever be dependant on anyone. I think when you are young and in love you do get that way, but the older you get the more you realise you should never be dependant on anyone but yourself

[redcrx]

Oct, we are not all in love with our mothers you know! I think i have a crush on 4get though lol

[4getmenot]

Eeeeuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggghhhhhhhhh, spew

[Miss Random]

Yes 4get, I know you are right.
Dependency is not healthy. Think I ball s dup the whole answer, trying to be clever.
I was trying to explain how devastated you feel when someone you love stops loving you. The dependency bit was meant to relate to the fact you have trouble functioning, so your whole self worth and happiness is taken away... it's what I call 'broken hearted'.
In my experience, being broken hearted is more painful than 'childbirth', and lasts a whole lot longer.

[4getmenot]

dont think you ballsd up at all. was explained very well, and I get where you're coming from :-)

[Miss Inquiry]

If I managed to get through being broken hearted with friends, tea bags, chocolate and vodka, childbirth sounds like it shouldn't be too bad!!

[grumpii]

How long does it take to get over it? having recently been on the end of a good, solid heartbreaking, I spent ten days drinking, have decide that isnt gonna help so gave that up but my head is all over the place. It is an effort to function normally and I try to put on a brave face with people who are concerned about me. I just want to see some light at the end of the tunnel

[Octavius]

How long is a piece of string? It takes as long as it takes, but you come out of it stronger and happier than if you had remained in a loveless relationship.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to hope that it isn�t a train coming towards you.

[ummmm]

It will come grumpii.....It get's easier as time goes by. It's all still a little raw for you but gradually it gets better....

[grumpii]

Thankyou both, very kind.

[redhead23]

i think miss random got it in one very well said i wish i was in love then i remember how much pain it causes and think na! lol