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marriage in a mess

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Tezzabell | 10:12 Mon 31st Aug 2009 | Family
11 Answers
Im married with a 2 yr old girl. been married for 2 yrs in oct. I was with my partner only a few months before i got pregnant but we were great together. I love him so much but it's all a mess.

When i was pregnant we bought house, renovated it & it was finished just in time for the baby. Since i had the baby, i have had post natal dep & i just feel so unorganised & unable to cope. I hate it. Im a fantastic mum, my girl is amazin, theres nothin wrong there, just i feel so unable to do really mundane tasks, or to tell anyone im strugglin. in oct 07 i took an overdose, i really wanted to die, i thought people would be better off without me, my husband found out, rushed me to hosp & i am obviously ok! but 2 yrs later, i dont feel like i have moved on. i dont feel like i can talk to my partner, im scared of him. he hit me once & he gets so so mad sometimes. but this would make him sound awful, & he really isn't. if he really was some awful monster i wouldnt still be here.

but he doesnt trust me, with our finances & things & he is sort of right to not, i am a bit disorgganised but i try hard & i am sorting things out. i just feel like, i went from living with my parents, to gettin pregnant, buyin house, renovating it, havin baby, partner startin a business, getting married all in a short space of time & its taken its toll.

i never wanted my husband to leave his job& start a business, it was a spur of the mo decision by him that i had to go along with. he promised he would give it 100% but in all honesty he didnt. he started painting & dec which he is great at, but he is no good at the business side of things. we had no work for over 3 months & he refused despite my beggin, screamin & cryin to go & work on an agency to tide us over. he wouldnt. not being able to cope, i hid bills etc cos i just couldnt cope. i know i should have just given them to him & said, sort this, you wont go work!!! but i couldnt.

there

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Phew!
I think you need to see your GP. If you aren't still suffering from PND then at the very least you sound stressed/depressed.
Sorry to sound harsh but you have to face up to reality. Hiding bills will not make them go away. Your husband needs a reality check as well.
Tell him that you need to sit down with him and discuss the situation. Make time (when the little 'un is in bed) and have all paperwork to hand. Make a list of your outgoings, incomings and outstanding debts.
Another harsh word - screaming and crying is pointless, negative and will only wind him up. Stay calm, rational and focused.

In one breath you say he's not a monster, but then you admit you are frightened of him and that he's hit you. Let me guess - he promised he will never do it again?
If I was in your shoes I would be out of there pronto.
So what is your question?
mrs_o is spot on.

Sqad is just Sqad!
I think it's advice she's after sqad....
sara....the usual......her side of the story, so I would be interested to know his side, before. like Olive, i pontificated.

If that is being sqad....so be it.
ummmm.....yes, I would GUESS so.
I agree sqad....

Overdoses, not being able to do mundane tasks, begging screaming and crying.

It must also be very hard on him.
Question Author
It is hard for him, i am probably a nightmare to live with. It was said in joke when we started dating that he was my bit of rough, he's had a hard life, lived on the streets, was into drugs, been done for GBH but all that is behind him now. we live in a nice house and a nice area, i just want a nice life for me, my daughter and for him. Yeah, he scares me, and i dont condone domestic violence, but there is only so much you can push someone. He is a good man!

I have been seeing my GP, been referred to a mental health nurse and also see a psychiatrist. I have medication to yake but i dont want to take it. i do want to get better but im so scared of taking medicine and not worrying, when i do need to worry, what i worry about is worth worrying about, if you understand?
Tezzabell....you're on here so you are pc literate.

Help him with his business by doing the books on Excel. Printing & leaflets on Word. play your part in promoting him!

You're frustrating him with your 'hang-ups' while he tries to bring home the �s. He doesn't want you to work as that would show his failure to keep his family & business.

Do your bit in this partnership!
Question Author
I do a lot to do with the business, I take call the calls, arrange the quotes, sort the leaflets, business cards, local advertising in papers etc. I post a lot of the leaflets myself but think he should do some with me. I even got him an A-board made up to put out where he works, but he is crap at putting it out. I make him lunch to take with him. I do do a lot with the business.
i think you need to tackle each problem one at a time and not try and deal with them all at once.#
The main priority is your daughter and as you have said you know you are a fantastic mum so thats one problem you dont have focus on your strenghs and not your weeknesses x

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