heartbroken

[stevie1time]

I split with my ex 5 years ago..it was amicable...i have 3 sons who are and have been my life and hope...ive allways paid an above reasonable amount toward their kids..ive seen them twice in 6 months upkeep and also put any hope of a new relationship of my own for them. on hold..ie..stayed single.....since last January..i had to say to my ex that i couldnt pay the 300 pound a month,that wasnt declared so she could get credits,and offered 250....her new husband and her have mde my life unbeaarble at times....i really miss my kids..iv e seen them twice in 6 months..they r beggining to forget me because of her..she turns them against me and i cant cope....

[Ice.Maiden]

As their father, you surely have rights, even if it means going to court - and explaining about the payments! I'm sure if your income or circumstances've changed that if the CSA was involved, you might not even have to pay the amount which you have been doing, but you have the right to reasonable access.

[stevie1time]

To be honest..i feel sad that i posted this..i tend to bottle things up....the law dont help...if you want to stop someone doing something then its easy...i do miss em...

[tamborine]

�300pm for 3 sons - re-direct your loss into earning & paying more. You may have to 'buy' them. Very few rich fathers are denied their children.

[Ice.Maiden]

Well not sure what you mean by that, but sorry it's come to all this for you. I know if i didn't see my own children, I'd be distraught. : (

[ELVIS68]

Sounds like your wife is a bitch...but forget her, just remember your kids will never forget you even if it seems that way, her new fella might be the dogs bollox etc but at the end of the day you are their father, never forget that..they won`t

[Ice.Maiden]

Sounds like this is all the ex is after though, tamb. Give me the money then keep away, sort of thing. I'm sure stevie doesn't want things to turn nasty, but I'd be keeping a record of the money I sent - e.g., by paying it into the ex's bank account, so that I had proof of what I'd been sending, and then threatening to expose the dealings if I didn't get mroe access to the children. Two can play at that game, but the main losers in all this are the poor children.

[tamborine]

Ice....�300pm for 3kids is peanuts. Lets be realistic!

Since the parents are parted it does come down to money. Even if the father doesn't see his sons he must make sure their every need is catered for by him.

[ELVIS68]

I disagree tambo, the father is obviously doing his best for the kids and putting his own life on hold and she is seeing someone else and enjoying the best of both worlds...think of the kids in this and not the money

[Ice.Maiden]

Well I agree that he should pay what's considered a reasonable amount tamb, but without knowinbg Stevie's financial situation, I'd say that maybe he finds the �300 a month a struggle - especially as he's now offered less.
The ex probably also goes to work - as well as her new partner, so it shouldn't all be about money at all, but that's the way it's sounding. The main thing is that the children are happy and well-cared for, and they should have access to their father even if he couldn't pay a penny toweards their upkeep. Finances permitting though, of COURSE he should help all that he can - but it looks as though this is what he's been doing.

[tamborine]

I see your sympathies for stevie.....and feel the same for him but if he can see that money does count be will win his sons over. It's a challenge for him.

[Razzle09]

Stevie...I would imagine that you can get a good family solicitor to sort out the visits for you.....meanwhile.......for yourself it is important that you get support at this difficult time........if you can source a mens organisation that can give you some good sound advice regarding things like maintaining a relationship with your children. It is important that you remember that they will not always be children..................and a good support agency will help you devise ways to maintain your links with the kids. Please get help with this................you are not on your own......:-)

[ELVIS68]

His sons won`t know if he pays �300 a month or �3000 a month, the choice is up to the mother and by the sounds of it she`ll still let him only see the kids twice every six months

[Ice.Maiden]

I agree with Elvis there.

[tamborine]

If he hands over money on the visits he then sees them. A solicitor will cost unless its on legal aid.

Their breakup has brought finances to the fore. steve....your boys want what every other boys have, cost their clothes from here:

http://www.matalan.co.uk/fcp/categorylist/dept /kids?resetFilters=true&gclid=CKT5kLuqqZsCFU0B 4wodklxWBg

[shiznit]

I have 3 step children, their father pays or should I say has been asked to pay �30 a month by the CSA. He says he is claiming benefits and says that is all he can afford, but is working illegally. Last year he got married, bought a house and went away on holiday, all because he knows how to de fraud the system. Fortunately my partner and I both have good jobs and are ok financially. the kids see their Dad every other week, yet he still makes no contributions to their welfare other than showing them how not to be upstanding, law abiding citizens. I have never claimed benefits in my 27 years of working, and it is my taxes that is funding absolute no marks like this who's only contribution to fatherhood is procreation. �300 IS peanuts for 3 children but it is still a damn site better than a paltry �30 of which he has made one payment in 6 months. Just to put some final perspective on this, today I bought a bag of cat food for our two cats for the month, the price?, �37!

[Ice.Maiden]

But this is the problem tamb - I want, I want, isn't always the best way to bring children up. Of course they need clothing and feeding etc., but there are folk who have to live on far less than this, and you don't see them walking around naked.
I don't have money problems such as this, but despite that, my children are told no, they can't have certain things. It makes them appreciate what they have and also teaches them that you can';t just ask, and receive all the time. Their father's time is worth far more than anything money can buy, and I hope stevie's allowed more of it.

[ELVIS68]

Well said Ice and good on you shiznit and on that note...goodnight all and goodluck stevie1time

[Ice.Maiden]

Night Elvis.

[tamborine]

Have heard of fathers who give up employment to avoid paltry CSA payments. By the time the children are grown they lose respect for the floundering fathers.....we are trying to find a way to save this father's relationship with his sons.

Not everyone is as kindly as shiznit.

[Ice.Maiden]

True, tamb, but that's a different story to stevie's isn't it? Those who deliberately make themselves unemployed to escape payments aren't worth a light - although, it has to be said that such an alternative might be best in he cases of where almost every penny is taken off a father. I'm thinking of a typical case of where a woman went off to her lover - who was quite prepared to pay for her children. The poor ex husband was paying though the nose, and could hardly start again - PLUS he didn't see much of his children. None of it was his fault, and when his ex demanded even more money - he left his job. Not good, but taught the grasping ex that he wasn't going to play the game she wanted. By the way, the 2 children now live with him, and his ex's new partner's left her. Dad and kids are very happy, despite not having much.