More help needed

[kwicky]

A friend of mine has just given birth to twin girls. She also has 4 other children, 2 of them under 3 years old and the other two are teenagers. Their income is limited and so cannot afford professional help. Is she entitled to 'home help' once provided by social services?

[Psychick]

Not exactly sure what you mean by home help but her midwife or health visitor would be able to tell her what, if anything, she can get help with.
Find out if she has a Sure Start scheme running in her area. They could be of a great help to her.

I wish her the best of luck!

[originalang]

Sure Start is a good bet, Home Start is also another one you could try. I work in family support for social services and in our area we provide support for families without the involvement of a social worker so that might be an option but the other two may be more suitable if its practical support they need, just be aware some of it tends to be time limited.

[stokeace]

tell her to help herself......................take the pill

[rabbitygirl]

I agree Stokeace. What are people doing having more children than they can afford or cope with? I dont think you get any help with twins or even triplets mainly because there are so many multiple births these days and help is expensive.. I may be in a harsh mood tonight but I hope the above is correct. I would rather my taxes went to home help for the elderly where it is really needed.

[stokeace]

thanx rabbitygirl as soon as i posted that reply i thought maybe i was a bit harsh there but im glad somebody agrees with me there really is no need for people to have more kids than they can cope with nowadays with all the contraception thats available.or she can always keep her legs closed.thats the best contraception i guess lol.

[Psychick]

I think youll find that the issue of affording to feed and clothe the children is not in question, even though things may be tight. What she cant afford is with getting everything done with 4 small children by paying for help.

Although there is one thing kwicky, you say your friend has two teenangers as well.........surely they can help out with some of the chores?

[~Wingnut~]

Agree, get the 2 teenagers to earn their keep and help out a little.
Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh but I would prefer it to go to the elderly or disabled too as they physically can't do things around the home like others can.

What's 5 mins dusting or hoovering before they go out and play with their mates to help Mum out? Will make them good role models for their twin sisters as they get older too :o)

[rabbitygirl]

With the enormous numbers of unplanned teenage pregnancies in the UK perhaps if her 2 teenagers involved themselves with the babies they will see what hard work it is. That should persuade them to use effective contraception until it is the right time for them to start a family.

[Reverandfunk]

Moral of the story - Don't get banged up with 6 kids then expect the state to support you.

[redcrx]

why should the state support her. the state provides contraception free of charge, thats the imput they should have accepted to begin with.
If they are really hard up then they should look at getting extra jobs and getting the teenagers to do their bit around the house and with the youngsters.
They should see if theres a surestart group in the area to provide any advice and emotional support.
If you cant afford children then you should think about the consequences beforehand not after.

[Psychick]

Where in that question does kwicky mention about getting financial help??
Shes asking about help with the other stuff like support with the kids and day to day stuff. We should not judge as we do not know all her circumstances other than that money is tight. Money is tight for me yet Im pregnant.......are you all going to judge me too?

[amonty1144]

I work in children's social work as a social worker, unless there are other issues than just not being able to cope, then it is highly unlikely she would get help from the social work department , as most departments are over stretched as it is with child protection, child welfare issues.
She could try home start, sure start, in scotland there is an organisation called working for families, ususually accessed throguh local nurseries, her health visitor will be better placed to advise on what is available in the area.

[redcrx]

psychick, i think the words 'cannot afford professional help. Is she entitled to 'home help' once provided by social services?' imply that they are seeking help financially. IE asking for government to fund someone to help them.

the government already provide tax credits to most families, either family or working credits, they provide maternity grants, maternity leave payments to help in those early months, vouchers for nurseries when babies are older.

Do you really think that they should provide more when a couple have more children than they can cope with?

[Psychick]

I know what you are saying redcrx, and agree, but its like Ive said......we dont know all the details of her circumstances.....for all we know she could be on her own through no fault of her own hence why she needs the help.

[kwicky]

Lets get some facts straight. She is married and her husband goes out to work. She is not asking for financial help but physical hands on help but too proud to ask for assistance which is why I am posting this question. With 4 children under 3 its a nightmare, twins were an unforseen hazard as just 1 baby may have been manageable, She has now been streilised so no further children. Her teenage children are at school all day although they can offer a small amount of help.

With the Mother losing sleep because of the babies crying adds to the problem

For the child haters remember one day they will be working to pay your state pension and keep you in comfort in your old age.

[redcrx]

im certainly no child hater. I work full time and so does my partner and when we had a baby awake at all times of ight we still shared the workload. teenagers can do their fare share after school surely and her husband can do his bit to help, even if its just to take the kids out at weekend so she can get a few hours sleep.
does she have friends like you who can pop by and give her a couple of hours break or do a bit of ironing for her to help out?
what sort of home help do you think she needs?

[leighkaty]

well said kwicky that last post very true and quite witty, hope she does get some help somewhere along the line she must be so exhausted bless but at the same time trying her best which is what matters, also accidents happen regarding conception and some people dont believe in abortion or adoption so bear that in mind all you people who are quick to judge, if she was someone who neglected her kids you lot would be the first to say why didnt she ask for help if she couldnt cope (not saying she cant cope by the way)

[bednobs]

as you rightly point out ss used to provide home helps but dont really anymore.

if she dosent need financial help, then why dosent she just simply advertise for someone to help around the home (local shop, local paper) ... or approach the agencies that ss use (although its mainly for personal care nowadays ) directly and pay for the help ... or get an au pair .... or a nanny

[meltoadhall]

she could get in touch with her local college that trains nursery nurses, they are often on the lookout for home placements to gain expereince.