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Son with low confidence

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lizwizz | 19:31 Sun 04th Feb 2007 | Family
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Its really hard to get my 9 year old to stick at anything for any length of time, including school work. As soon as he finds something the slightest bit hard he goes off in a big strop saying he can't do it because he's stupid. He's behind at school and we think he is dyslexic, but we never get anywhere in trying to help him because he just goes off in a sulk. It hurts me to think he has such a low opinion of himself, but I don't know how to help him.

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My 8 year old daughter is exactly the same. She tries hard but at the slightest suggestion that she may need to look at something again to see if it is correct she drops her pencil and calls herself stupid and goes into a sulk. I often dread trying to help her with her homework. I constantly, positively reinforce all the occassions when she sits calmly and does her work but it is a real struggle, especially when they are behind the "average" for their age.
This is not necessarily simply a stroppy child, i would have them assessed for dyslexia or the numeric version of it which i have forgotten t e name for.
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Thanks for your answers. I'm not saying he is a stroppy child, Dot. I'm worried about his confidence and self-esteem. He's been assessed for dyslexia, but its come out as borderline, from what we can decipher through the jargon. I just don't know what to do for the best.
lizwizz. My 10 yr old son does not like to be helped and although as a young boy he found everything easy, as a form 5 pupil, when he finds he has to make a tad of effort to grasp something he switches off and gets annoyed.
I decided that we could either have a stand off or fight every other week, or I could see that at only 10 yrs old,he has homework, spelling and exams, coupled with the fact he finishes school at 5pm, so he has alot on his plate already.
I went to school in the 70's and we never had homework, spelling tests every week and exams twice a year! It did me no harm whatsoever! I have o levels, A levels and a degree and I had his attitude to a lesser degree too!
Some of the parents at my son's school are constantly in a state of high anxiety about the performance of their children. Although I can understand this, they are still so young and not very mature...especially boys!
My son has exams coming up this week and I have not said a word ...yesterday he suggested that if he brought home his geog & history books tonight, then maybe I could "ask him questions." Now I forsee that he will start to get annoyed and impatient when he has to stretch his mind, especially if he doesn't know the answer straight away ...but we will try and I will attempt to make it fun.. if I can.
I don't know if my answer is of any help to you liz but sometimes just to hear another mother's perspective can help in itself.
I feel like an old grannie tonight lol,but i think children however are brought up go through stages inthere lives,and sometimes its nothing you have done wrong,its a stage they are going through,sit back and think when he gets to twelve or thirteen he will think different,dont beat yourselves,boys can be apitb lol.xx
Is there anything he is really enthusiastic about? A sport especially with help his confidence, especially if you find a good club. Karate, football, something that gets him involved. Be sure to praise him a lot too, even for little things that seem obvious.
This sounds so much like my 14 year old son who has now been diagnosed as dyslexic combined with dispraxia and A.D.D. which often tend to combine together. he would try so hard to do school work but then just get frustrated and angry when he couldn't manage it.
In response to your other thread about how to get him to talk, Whenever my son storms off to his room in a sulk I text his mobile phone, I always start my texts with I love you and I want to help you. he always replies with similar, I found it helps as we both have to think carefully what we say. not sure if your son would have a mobile but something similar i.e. writing notes may work just as well.
Lorraine x

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