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Next Move?

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stonesnstarz | 20:32 Fri 21st Jan 2022 | Family & Relationships
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My daughter's father is acting like a narcissist and refusing to see her, because of something he says I've done(called Child Maintenance) Anyway, I have him figured out. That's not the area I need advice in. Since family is important to me, I've gone ahead and contacted my daughter's uncle on Facebook, thinking maybe he'd be thrilled and want to visit with her, and at least she would have some sort of male role model in her life that shares her genes.

I originally added him as a friend, thinking he wouldn't be able to read the message I sent him otherwise, as that's what used to happen before Message Requests. The message, at that time, involved asking him to help me stage an intervention for my daughter's father, as he's an alcoholic. I've since abandoned that idea, and we got in contact again on a Flashback group where I was asking people in our town whether they had any pictures/stories of my daughter's grandparents. It took him two years, but he finally added me back as a friend and we got to talking. I couldn't get over how easy it was to talk to him and how much it reminded me of talking to my daughter's father in the beginning. I chalked it up to him just being a lot like his brother.

But, then, he doesn't have a picture on Facebook and has never shown me one. He changed the subject when I asked for one. He also had one other friend in the beginning, and now it's only me on his Friends List. Our toilet was being replaced where I live a few months back, and I wondered whether I could stay over for a day, so I would have a toilet to use. I explained that I had asked others and no one else could be of assistance, because they were either in hospital or on vacation. Instead of just saying, "Sorry, no", he just looked at the message and didn't reply. I thought, "Fine, maybe, that was an inappropriate thing to ask, since we haven't even met in person and therefore he doesn't really know me", but I didn't really know his brother, either, and he would have done something like that for me. After that, I kept inviting him to visit his niece, and he kept saying he'd think about it, but it's been six months and he still hasn't given me an answer.

Another thing that was odd was, when he commented on my post on the Flashback group, the first thing he said was, "I don't think your daughter is my mother's granddaughter. I don't want to get to know you or your daughter". That's what my daughter's father said, and the two of them haven't spoken in six years. Well, my daughter's father said it had been six years, and his brother says four, which is also off. My daughter's uncle posted on the Flashback group, just asking if anyone remembered him, and a lot did, but he didn't add any of them on Facebook and no one obviously added him either. And he hasn't commented on any of the other posts, since he joined 5 years ago. I met my daughter's father 3 years ago, so although he may not have made up the account to target me specifically, it could still be of use to deceive/check up on me, right? I thought, "Well, this is crazy. I found his work E-mail, since I can't find a phone number for him. I'm going to try E-mailing him and seeing if it's the same guy I'm talking to on Facebook". Well, he read the message on his work E-mail but never replied, never messaged me on Facebook to say, "Got your E-mail", nothing!

I was thinking of messaging him on Facebook and asking, "Did you get my E-mail?". But, if I'm correct in my suspicions that it's my daughter's father pretending to be him, then, he might send an E-mail to the work E-mail also, telling him not to talk to me or something, if he catches wind of the fact that I've E-mailed his brother at work. I was thinking, the reason his brother didn't reply on the work E-mail is, because he's in shock and/or just really busy(or it's a different guy with the same name but the location of the work place IS really close by...), and might still get back to me. So what do I do?!

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Breathe!
next move is to step away and move on - you have given him ample opportunity and it's incredibly clear he doesnt want to meet you or your daughter for whatever reason.
also im really puzzle d by you saying "but I didn't really know his brother, either,"
he's the father of your daughter, id say you DID know him!
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bednobs No, I meant, before we got to know each other, he would have done something for me in a bind. And he only donated his sperm, so we didn't know each other THAT well ;) Haha!
if he was just a sperm donor you are expecting far too much imo
Stop contacting him, he doesn't want anything to do with you. Move on and look after your daughter.

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