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Physical Abuse

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postman44 | 17:51 Wed 02nd Jun 2021 | Family
33 Answers
Have been talking to a lady on a dating site. Who has come out of an abusive marriage of 19.years. wants to meet me. ? unsure of what to do.

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take her out of town to a distant pub or wherever and you need to go into listening mode as well as being non-judgemental to begin with. See how she behaves with you.....
18:43 Wed 02nd Jun 2021
// and don't trust women //

Bit of a typo there Sqad. Don't trust 'people'. Fixed it for you. :D
I wonder why on earth she stayed with him for 19 years .Are there any children involved?
I would'nt go anywhere near to be honest postman. Plenty of lovely ladies out there with less complicated baggage'. Also you only have her word the marriage was 'abusive' and that she was the victim - could have been tit for tat. Too complicated.
Thanks jan...much appreciated-;)
A fair bit of victim blaming going on here. Meet her for a drink. As DTC said, pick somewhere out of the way and see what happens. If you're genuinely worried about a bit of ex-related aggro (and I'm sure she would be too), make sure you tell a close friend where you're going and at what time. Maybe even arrange for them to give you a call at a prearranged time during the evening. Enjoy yourself Postie, don't let your worries overshadow your evening.
I’m with sqad, metaphorically speaking. Look elsewhere.
> I would give that one a miss postman......too much baggage.

A postman should be able to handle it.
Mozz -victim blaming? No one even knows who the victim is/was! -or for that matter if there even WAS a victim.
Polly, why would you consider someone you've never met or know absolutely zero about to be a liar? Not believing someone in such circumstances is as bad, if not worse, than victim blaming.I

If one of your kids (if you have any, I don't know of your personal circumstances) came to you and said that their partner had been knocking them about, would your immediate response be "Are you sure you haven't been beating them up?"
Nine months is far too soon for her to be looking for a new relationship, even if she just wants 'fun'.

She needs to learn to enjoy being single after so many years of abuse; she should get some form of counselling so she can come to terms with her situation; she should get divorced.

If she has children then it definitely is far too soon for her to be looking for a new relationship.

I fear that she isn't looking for an equal relationship, she is looking for a crutch.
I think the 'Best Answer' is bad advice. If there's a possibility that a relationship with her may cause you problems just walk away and find someone else. Her problems are hers, not yours.
Mozz you are either totally over-reacting at my comments or trying to jank my chain. I'm calling no one a 'liar', merely commenting on the fact postman only has her side of what could be a very complicated story. The fact that postman is 'unsure' of what to do speaks volumes. He is the only one on here who has had any interaction with her, and his gut feelings should be taken into account. I agree with Naomi that 'best answer' is bad advice.
Your choice of BA indicates to me that you had already made up your mind to go ahead.

"Fools rush in ........."

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