Grief From My Oh

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LadyCG | 13:45 Mon 20th Jul 2020 | Family
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Honest opinions would be appreciated here.

I have had a holiday booked for over a year, going to Kos in September this year with OH and son. We were supposed to go in May but he made me delay it (before the Covid outbreak) until September. It cost £150 to change the dates, on top of the £2,900 for the holiday.

As the time has drawn nearer he has insisted that we postpone until next September as he doesn't want to travel if he has to wear face masks, etc. I on the other hand am comfortable to travel and I don't want to lose my holiday. I suggested I take my mother instead and yesterday I switched it to her name instead of his (and took the little one off the booking too) at a cost of £275. My mother was overjoyed - it's the first time she has felt any sense of happiness since she lost her twin sister in early June. My mother has given me some money towards the holiday. She and I lost our holiday to Famagusta in April following the Covid outbreak.

My husband has given me nothing but grief since and has bombarded me with text messages all day, threatening to give my mother a piece of his mind and threatening me with divorce.

My husband is constantly telling me that any spare money I have should go on things for the house, etc. However, I've found out he's got accounts with thousands of pounds in and he refuses to discuss his finances (I found his building society books in a box in the spare room). Essentially what's mine is "joint" and what's his is his own.

He "actively encouraged" me into working 7 days a week as soon as I returned from maternity leave. He then expected me to put all my overtime into the joint account every week for him to decide how best to spend it. I pay for all the holidays and any extra expenses such as car insurance and new tyres, nights away, etc.

We are going to St Ives in September and have another 2-week holiday booked to Kos for next May (and yes, I'm paying). I even said I would book a holiday in Feb to the Canaries for our son's birthday, so he didn't feel he was losing out. He soon changed his mind on that one when I suggested he pay something towards it for a change!

The bile he has spewed out about my mother has been terribly upsetting. She is grieving so badly right now. In any case I have refused to take the holiday back off my mother as it would be a cruel thing to do. He says in that case we will have to split up and I just shrugged and said "okay".

My question is - am I being unreasonable or is he?


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LCG you are not IMO, is the house in joint names?
1. Miles needs a clean settled environment.
2. youre invalid with leg & need help
3. Mother grieving & needs distraction.
4. Husband has 1-3 worries plus house refurb.
5. Holiday wont cure above.
6. Move into ur mums with Miles to solve above.
7. Leave/divorce OH, split assets etc.
8. No sis/bro for Miles, shared upbringing, new step partners etc. Broken extended families.
Solution: move into your cmums with Miles. OH can concentrates on refurb to enjoin his family unit.

My offer still open & welfare will assist 1parent costs.
oh dear - I hope you work something out
Question Author
He's significantly calmer since he came home and took me to the Fracture Clinic. He is talking now about booking another holiday for next year, but he wants the Covid situation to die down first and to get the house nearer completion.

He can be a right throbber at times but he can also be really amazing. He's waited on me hand and foot since my injury.

I've told him I won't tolerate any further nastiness towards my mother. I also think that when I called his bluff earlier about separating, it shocked him.

I've just been signed off for another four weeks and I can now start weaning myself off the boot and start fully weight-bearing and build my tolerance up gradually. That's a big plus! At least I won't have to rely on him to do everything around the house. Hopefully I can start driving soon.
You seem to have different priorities as to what you want to spend your money on and if you don`t mind me saying, you do seem to be a bit preoccupied on spending money on frequent European holidays. Maybe he wants to the house straight before spending on holidays. £2900 for a trip to Kos - Jeez, I could spend 2 weeks in Barbados for that.
Question Author
237, I work my cobblers off and yes I like my holidays. I make no apologies. My husband doesn't object to the holidays, he just said he's not comfortable travelling at the moment with the Covid measures in place. These measures don't bother me - I work in a hospital afterall so I'm used to it - but I don't see why I should lose the holiday I've waited so long for and paid for out of my own pocket, particularly when I've lost all my other holidays and social events this year due to this damn virus.

His ranting about my mother and trying to say she's barred from our house from now on was completely unreasonable.
// His ranting about my mother and trying to say she's barred from our house from now on was completely unreasonable.//

that and expecting you to put all your overtime into the joint account every week for him to decide how best to spend it

and you paying for all the holidays and any extra expenses such as car insurance and new tyres, nights away, etc.

But hey ho, you have your dream house and he's waited on you hand and foot since your injury. No doubt to get you back to work as quickly as possible so you can pay for your next holiday together.

Each to their own as they say.

Pleased youve worked things out. What have you done to ur leg?
thanx mamya for the LCG thread, its well worth going into hospital for, so long as laughing doesnt hurt ;)
Question Author
It was funny ! :-)

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