Dads Bum Friend

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Lokideklol123 | 05:08 Fri 11th Jan 2019 | Family
12 Answers
My dad has a friend, A, who decided to come back into his life a few months ago after almost 10 years of little contact.Things were almost perfect before he got here. At first it was just crashing when he was here late, but it’s turned into every night. He leaves messes and doesn’t clean up after himself and no one can do anything in the garage because he’s basically claimed it as his own. He’s really stressed the relationship between my dad and step mom by saying my dad is messing around with another girl to my step mom, even though he’s not. He refused to apologize to my younger sister when he was in the wrong and when my step mom said “you need to apologize to my daughter or get out” he said “your daughter??” As if it wasn’t possible for my step mom to care for us as an actual mom. He then proceeded to leave the room instead of apologizing. This is one of many incidents. And my dad almost refuses to see that A has done anything wrong, not to be mean to us but because he’s so kind that he doesn’t was to kick his friend out. I haven’t talked to my dad yet, but that’s what I’m asking right now, and my step mom is the only one to talk to him, which has only stressed their relationship further. But the whole reason I’m making this post is to find a good way to talk to my dad about this. I feel like if my sister and I talked to him about it he might finally realize what A is actually doing to our family life. Though, I don’t know how to do that, as both me and my dad are pretty socially awkward. But, to summarize this whole thing into a question- What’s the best way I can have a conversation to my dad about his toxic bum friend?


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Obviously an American poster who does not realise that the terms Bum Friend or Bum Chum have an entirely different connotation in the UK.
She obviously means he's a taker.
Same way you speak to anyone. Politely, courteously. Be open and honest about how you feel it's affecting the family; then accept your father's judgement on the situation. Just tell him that you need to speak to him privately.
I'd lay it on the line..some straight talking needed..
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Be honest snd open. Tell ur dad it’s your house to...
I think it's your stepmother who needs to be straight with him. She should tell him his 'friend' is taking advantage of his good nature and upsetting everyone, and it's time for him to go.
Maybe the friend has some leverage on your dad? iE he owes him from the past?
I don't think it should be just your stepmother. All 3 of you need to speak to him, then he may understand that ALL his family is being affected negatively by this man's presence. Don't ambush your dad with this, just arrange a time when the 4 of you can have a conversation.
Use the same words you've used here.
Once all of you approach him about this friend' he is going to be on the defense, and you may end up arguing. Write him a letter, each of you adding a paragraph of how this is affecting your life and give it to him together. This way he can read your thoughts in private and address them once he has all of your concerns in his head. Maybe this is just what your dad needs to give him the courage and excuse to tell his friend to sling his hook. Good Luck.
I think you need to talk with your dad and step mom, well that's the first step. Then you three could figure out what to do with this dad's friend. But I think it's better that your dad to talk to him, like a friendly buddy talk, something like that.

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