Complexed Situation, Advice Needed.

[sacha.86]

Hiya, my seven year old son recently told me of indecent acts going on in front of him displayed by his Dad and his Dad's partner. Since then I have told his Dad he can only see him on public from now on. Since I changed the arrangements of access he hasn't seen him for months. He recently arranged to take him out to the cinema to which I agreed. I have found out this evening that it won't just be the two of them and that his partner will be joining them. Now I don't feel or think he will be completely safe. If I now tell his Dad he can't go, they are going to pull the jealous-x card on me. I haven't confronted his Dad about what I was told, he will deny it and potentially become quite aggressive. I've also promised my son I won't tell his father about what he disclosed to me, as I don't want his Dad becoming aggressive towards him. I think he suspects that I know and has done this on purpose to find out if I know or not, but I'm not 100%. Either way the cinema isn't the right place for them to meet amd I don't know how to cancel with out a massive hoohar. Any advice?

[ummmm]

What kind of indecent acts? And in what scenario?

[EDDIE51]

What do you mean by 'indecent acts'? them having sex or something worse?
If it's them having sex it could be unintentional. You need to talk to your ex about what the child saw.

[sacha.86]

There isn't any point in confronting him, with out going into to much detail it definitely wasn't unintentional and it was of a sexual nature.

[EDDIE51]

Is the Dad's partner male or female? just struck me that by using the word 'partner' you may mean a male, you never know nowadays !

[sacha.86]

In the Living area of their home

[Mamyalynne]

If it wasn't purely an indiscretion,then you must stand your ground.

The child comes first and you will have to explain to your son just why you have had to break your word.

[sacha.86]

Girlfriend. I don't like using that term because it implies something immature

[ummmm]

You'd have to be more specific. What one person might view as indecent acts another might see as something completely different.

I'd be concerned though that I felt I couldn't confront the father of my child in case he gets aggressive with the child.

[sacha.86]

Yh, I intend to, but the problem is explaining it to his Dad

[sacha.86]

I just need advice on how to say No to his Dad really

[sacha.86]

I thought I could just lie and tell him he isn't well. But I don't want to do that of I can avoid it. Does anyone have any suggestions

[ummmm]

I'd just say, sorry, can't make it.

[Sammy48]

When you changed the access arrangements to being in public only, didn't your son's Dad ask why ?

[sacha.86]

Yh, I told him because it was best for my son's safety.

[EDDIE51]

If it was just the 2 of them having sex there is a lot of variation in what different people consider 'indecent' , I agree that the only way forward is to confront the Dad with what the child told you. Hard but I can not see any other way to sort this out.

[sacha.86]

I can't do that without a backlash either

[Mamyalynne]

I think you have to straight and honest and say that you don't feel your son would be safe as you have told us - other wise every visit will become a nightmare of thinking up excuses.

[sacha.86]

There isn't any point. I've comforted him about things in the past and he just denies it and turns it around on me, there really isn't any point

[Mamyalynne]

If he is likely to turn aggressive then you may need outside help and advice re the future visiting arrangements.

[sacha.86]

I just won't agree to anywhere I'm not happy with in future