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Should i tell them whats going on

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numnum | 14:15 Fri 23rd Apr 2010 | Family Life
8 Answers
I don't know what to do about my friend. I'm thinking of calling her parents should I or not?

I'm feeling really sorry for my best friend and don't know what to do

She is married with 2 children ages 4 and 2. Her husband is useless. She doesn't drive so she walks her kids to playgroup, park. Carries home her weekly shop, nappie boxes, etc on top of her buggy. She carries her weekly shop home in the snow with the kids and he drives past her.

She leaves the house to walk them to playgroup and he drives past her. Whats wrong with him taking the kids since he's going that way anyway

She's now ill with bronchitis and shes still having to walk the kids to the nursery etc, cook, clean. She sounds awful on the phone

To top it off her family are to busy running after her sisters kids. They take them abroad twice a year, have the spare room done up with all their toys there. So when she takes her kids to her mums there nothing personal to her kids there. Her mum and dad take days off their work to help her sister. The list goes on

My friend hasn't told her family whats going on. So they think she is all happily married and her husband is helping her when she's sitting in the house misarable, her family don't come to see her as there was a bust up between them and her husband.

What really upset me was when i was speaking to her the other day she said how she hadn't had a mothers day present ever and when she goes to her mums she ends up having to go out shopping with her mum and her sisters kids to pick a mothers day present for her sister.

I think my friend might actually leave her husband if she had the support but she just cant tell her family. Her mum is the type that will be like I told you so and make her feel worse. It would be easier if I called her dad but not wanting to interfere but i don't know what to do.

Any advice would be great.

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he also slammed her arm in the fridge door recently when they had an argument. it was an accident but she still had to take the day off work sick as her arm had swollen and was bruised.

i live to far away from her to go visiting her,. when i lived near her we used to go days out. she was saying that i was the last person to come to her house, that was over a year ago. its terrible because her mum and dad live a 10 minute drive away but they don't come to see her. they know she's ill just now but there too busy looking after her sisters wee ones.
I think it would be best to talk to her about it first and explain how worried you are about her and see what the relationship is like with her family, after all you dont want the family to just add to her problems.
I would speak to her first and see what she wants to do. You could also write a letter to her parents to inform them, I think this would be better than speaking to them. I hope your friend sorts something out soon as her husband sounds horrible and no one should have to live like this.
do you drive? couldnt you help her out by taking her shopping or something? my gut feeling is that there is perhaps a little more going on in her relationship that she is maybe letting on. Was fridgegate really a accident, i can see how that would happen accidently and causing that much damage? He drives past her when walking the kids to school, he doesnt buy mothers day gifts for her. sounds to me that hes a bit of a ba*#?ard and that he gets pleasure out of seeing her struggle.
I would have a long chat with your friend and ask exactly whats going on, i dont think by what youve said on here that her mam would give that much of a toss, she should see that she is struggling or feeling down and be helping both daughters equally.
lotsoffun, it sounds like she now lives a long way away.
Before doing anything, check this story out. All what you know is what she's told you, not what you've seen. I had a friend once who would often complain about her husband and didn't have enough money to get certain shopping items but I realised afterwards this wasn't true but she was so down, didn't feel loved so made all this up to get my attention and sympathy...
I don't think it's your place to be contacting her parents.

do you know why her parents would seem to be more supportive of her sister?
Are there other ways she could help herself? Could she learn to drive and maybe get a car of her own to help her out and help her find some independence.

Does she work? Am guessing maybe not with the age of the children but could she build up to getting a part time job or doing some voluntary work or finding a hobby, things which will increase her confidence and independence.

Can you not encourage her to be honest with her family? Maybe her sister first if telling her parents is difficult?

Maybe she is partly to blame in the whole keeping up appearances thing.

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