Does It Ever Go?

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

It was 7 years ago today that my Dad died.
Most of the time I'm ok. I'm pretty blase about death and it's not that side of things that bothers me.
My question is this. Today and on his birthday I get really rather emotional. Does that ever fade?
Half of me wants to hear no, it doesn't.
What are your own thoughts on this?

[murraymints]

only natural...don't suppose it will ever leave you....you only have one daddy...xx

[Old_Geezer]

Different folk react differently. Your desire to know you still love your father is the side that is horrified at the thought you could ever be baize about it, but life goes on and you may find the intensity fades for you eventually. But if it doesn't, it doesn't. After all it isn't affecting how you live your live, but simply gives the occasional period of melancholy. I'd advise accepting this is you. If it really bothers you, you can work towards moving on, but until you are sure, it's ok to feel like that.

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

True Murray.
Thanks Old. I'm ok with feeling like this and it's not a problem for me.
In some ways I'm glad I still have an emotional attachment to him. I just wondered how other people cope and feel.
Thank you for your kind words.

[chrisgel]

I am 62 years old. My mother died when I was 17 although she had spent most of the time up until then in and out of hospital. My father died when I was 27. I still think of them regularly. If it's any consolation at all the rawness of it does fade although there is still regret especially for example at the birth of a grandchild or the marriage of a child etc. However the memories are still there. Please be assured that it will get easier over time although you will always have memories.

[AlwaysConfused]

I have the advantage of never remembering dates, including birthdays! But, if I did, I would celebrate the day. My grandad died 15 years ago, and I think about, and talk of his antics everyday. Still miss him dearly, but I now take great pleasure in reiterating his words of the wise!

[naomi24]

For me, no. I lost both my parents a long time ago, and I still miss them dreadfully. I think of them every single day. Smile at happy memories. x

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

It's funny Always, I'm like that about my Nan. She was such a character that I remember her with a smile.
Maybe it is still raw. I just find it strange that these triggers just sit there and then spring on you. From now on, I'm going to think of something about him that makes me smile. Good plan!

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

Thanks Cris :)

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

I think that's the way to go Naomi. I don't believe in an afterlife so I have all I need stored right here.

[naomi24]

He'll always be with you in your heart, mojo. :o)

[Lanta98]

im sorry for your loss. different people react to death in different ways. Of course you're going to be emotional on the date of his birthday and not being able to celebrate it with him. You will get days likee this throughout your life and pain and emotion will fade away in time, it's normal, don't worry :) xx

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

True Naomi.

I'm not worried, but thank you Lanta. I know my feelings are normal and I'm not overwhelmed by them. Please don't get me wrong. I quite like feeling this way and I'm fascinated by it. It's really amazing how strong human bonds are, even in death.

[jno]

yes, it does fade, and yes, you can slow the fading down by holding on to your memories. If remembering is causing you pain, you can choose to gradually let go. But if it brings you pleasure, then there's no need to.

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

Well said Jno. I like that.

[Maydup]

14 years on after the death of my Dad and I have mostly good days, but occasionally something will trigger a thought or a memory and I become a complete and utter wreck.

Driving to work for example and thinking about an event we went to or a lesson he taught me, I can find myself sobbing uncontrollably. Probably because i'm on my own and can sob freely. Then the feeling passes and it might be months before I'm that emotional again. Like you, part of me quite likes it. There's a feeling of reassurance that I still love him so much. The other part of me dislikes the pain and knows it comes less often than it used to.

[factor-fiction]

My dad died young and I still get a sinking feeling/ feeling of deep loss when I think of it- the fact that my children (now grown up) never got to meet him as they'd have got on so well together and I never got chance to discuss so many things with him

[ummmm]

It's almost 5 years since my Dad died (28th Feb) and just the word February makes me sad.

[excelsior-1]

Mojo

an interesting assortment of answers here ... i am inclined to agree with the 'depends on the individual' point of view

in my own case - my father died of prostate cancer on christmas eve 2005, since then my family and i have gradually come to terms with it and moved on .. however, christmas still can have an undercurrent of negative emotions, especially for the youngest generation

i share your grief over your loss

[pusskin]

My lovely dad died on my Birthday in September 1994.
He is never never forgotten. Gets a bit easier with time x