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carliex | 10:32 Fri 02nd Sep 2011 | Family Life
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Ok I'm 23 with a daughter of my own, last night mum tells me she's expecting!! She had me at 18 and has not been able to get pregnant since. She stopped trying when I had my daughter as she wanted to concentrate on bein a nanna. I am extremely close to my mum and I tell her everything she tells ne everything! So since she's told me why can I not be happy for her! I don't want to see her or speak to her I think I'm mad with her! But iv had my time with her and I'm now an adult so why am I mad? I feel like the close connection between us has gone! And me and my daughter stay there every Friday night but obviously there not going to be room to do that anymore! She usually takes my daughter to the park or something for an hour on a Friday aswel but she said she is shattered so can't today! My daughter is upset she's not seeing nanna! Baby is not here yet and my daughter is suffering from it! Am I being selfish?


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You are a bit, yeah.

There is no reason why your bond with your Mum has to change and in a couple of years your daughter will have a great little play mate.
i think you are suffering what most people with siblings go through when they are little - jealousy. you will have a new brother or sister which will take mum's attention away from you. When you are 3 or four you can have a strop and then get over it, but when you're 23 it becomes a little harder. Don't worry if you are being selfish - none of us can help or change our emotions and the way we react to them. If you can get through this period without it adversly affectingg the relationship with your mum, i think you will start to feel a lot different when your brother or sister is here. Just think - you can help her out now to repay her for the times she's helped you out :)
i guaruntee you will find it rewarding
yes, you are being selfish as far as i can see. You cant go and stay there every week? your daughter is missing out on a trip out today, what would happen if Nanna was poorly and couldnt take her for the day, would you be complaining then too?

Dont lose the bond you have with your mum, its a very precious thing.
I think it has knocked your view on the right order of things, you had the usual simple view of one generation recreating then the next takes over, and now you are faced with a sibling that will be younger than your own children. And it's knocked you off kilter.

Give it time, you'll get used to the idea.

Meanwhile I'm unsure why your daughter can not still see her nanna, maybe a house visit. Explain that nanna gets very tired of late so the park visits may not be so common. Explain to a child and they can accept more easily than if just kept in the dark.
My mum re-married and had a daughter when I already had 3 daughters, so my sister is a year younger than my youngest daughter. There is an incredible bond between us all, and for my sister, it is like having older sisters and nieces all at the same time. Enjoy the future, and be happy for your mum, as she has been happy for you. My mum is no longer living and every day I wish she was!!!
Perhaps a little selfish, but maybe what is underlying is that you are worried about her health as an older mum, and its coming out as jealousy.
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simple answer.......yes very,,,makes me wonder who the kids are there
yes you are being very self appear to only nbe viewing this from how it affects you...when fact it...its not your business...its your mums... and really its just tough sh1t...

good news is, you are aware that you are being you can start to work on it...

besides, what exactly are you expecting her to do in order to suit you? abort it?
Awww you're a bit shocked and upset carliex, that's all it only natural as you don't usually expect granny to have a new born of her own. Give yourself soem time and allow yourself to come to terms with it and you'll learn to deal with it.

Don't beat yourself up about it, nor let anyone else beat you up. But allow yourself soem breathing space to get used to a new way of life. Then you'll be ready to help Mum and she can be nanna again albeit a different Nanna. Good luck and be kind and happy for her just as soon as you're ready.
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I suppose it is more worry than jealousy, I mean not only her health but my step dad is a waste of space! Yea ok he's good in ways hes more a family man than wanting to go pub ext like my dad was but he does nothing for my mum she's so stressed cus there is 2 of them now and she works full time n has to go home to a mess every nite and start cooking tea and he is self employed n never goes to work n is bringing less mo ey in than my mum! And she sat and spoken to him and he reckons just cus he's a ms doesn't mean he has to be the one bringing in the bread as he puts it! she's so unhappy but they been together 18 years and before baby she was ready to leave dnd start fresh and now she staying! He's not goin to do anything to help! I'm fuming at how badly he treats people! And I'm fuming at my mum for putting herself in such a situation.
I understand how you are feeling - altho it may be selfish - you can't help it - you feel your world has been turned upside down - anyway the relationship you and your daughter have with your mum will never be quite the same again.

The same thing happened to me when I was 18, my mum became pregnant. So there was never the time to do have that mother/daughter relationship that we should have had, because she was always looking after the baby. We never shopped together, or went out together, she never helped me things for my own wedding, because she was always busy with my little brother.

But we had a different relationship and you will too. And who knows it may be a much better relationship for all of you.
sorry I didnt read what you had written Carliex before I wrote my reply
I was eighteen when my youngest brother was born and my older sister already had a five year old child. We were a family and that is what you should aim at. No good fretting at something which is inevitable.
Your mother could still leave if she has somewhere to go. My father had a saying "It's a poor hen who can't peck for one chick". Can you set up home together? Are you a single parent? There are endless possibilities these days - no need to suffer in silence.

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