Should I leave my wife, for my soulmate?

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hawky204 | 01:00 Thu 10th May 2007 | Relationships & Dating
27 Answers
I married the girl I'd been out with for 8 years, because it seemed the thing i should do. We had the wedding but I wasn't in love. We then had 2 (gorgeous!) kids (that I love to bits) and settled into 'life'. Having not even kissed anyone else for 15 years, 2 years ago, fate resulted in me spending the night with an amazing girl. We then went out again 2 weeks later and it was even better. Over the next 9 months we had some amazing times together (and talked of our future). She then went travelling around the world for a year during which we texted and e-mailed most days and spoke on the phone twice a week.. She was on the other side of the world but I felt totally in love. When she came back we again had some amazing times together and I moved in with her for a month. I was (and am still) totally in love with her, but my loyalty and love for my children (not for my wife) made me make the "right" decision and leave her for the sake of my kids. My 'love' and I had one powerful weekend subsequently, but I've not spoken to her for 7 weeks as I know I have to move out of my family home to show her I'm committed to her. I think of her every morning, through the day and every night. I haven't been close to my wife for ages because of how I feel towards my soulmate (and I don't feel anything towards my wife). I am torn between my children and an amazing girl that I really want to spend my life with (although I may have blown it - but prepared to win her back). I feel in a such a corner. Thanks for reading this - I would really wlecome your opinion.


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I think you should leave whether or not you do stay with you soul mate or not. Your wifes clearly not the one for you.
Question Author
Thanks Kaylz - I think you're right, I've just found the thought off leaving my children so hard!
Yeah you would do! Its natural to feel that! But then you can still be a good dad regardless if you live with them or not. Like I said b4 its up to you and your wife to be adults and try and make life as stable as you can for your kids. :-) Good luck x
So your wife doesn't know about it? Then you have to tell her. She might say 'I knew it', but she'll need to hear it from you, and make sure you're sober. The kids will also have to hear it out, and that will be painful, mostly for them. But IF - and only if - you sort that out amicably and that the kids aren't traumatised, and that they know they can reach you any time, then by all means follow your dream. Best wishes.
hawky204, please will you help me out with my question 'boyfriend cheating past', not sure if it's a similar situation?
Question Author
Wow! I really really appreciate all the responses - I've found them all
interesting and helped me clear my head slightly. Since you've taken the
trouble to respond, to answer a few points: There would be no turning my
back on the children and I would always be there for them (I love and care
for them too much). I recognise they are probably better off with their Mum
and I would support that financially and however I could. My soulmate is
aware of all that and I would still have contact with their Mum. I would
minimise the impact on all parties as much as possible - I wouldn't want to
make the situation any worse!

Is the attrractiveness of my soulmate due to her 'unattainablility'? No - at
least it wasn't, we had discussed flats and our future (although I know I
need to win her back, having gone back for my children and hurt her somewhat
in the process! She may say I've blown the opportunity but what we had was
so special I don't want to miss the once in lifetime person!) As someone
said if I don't win back Soulmate I've lost her for ever. Whilst i wouldn't
live with my kids, I wouldn't lose them. If Soulmate subsequently dumps me I
may well regret the decision , but at least I've given it a shot.

Finally, does my wife know about soulmate? Perhaps somewhat amazingly I
don't think so. I did move out for a month (and a week or so prior) but I
was vague on where. She may think so but not raised it , and/or is rather
naive. We are not getting on well, but she's unaware a big part of that is
because I love someone else.

Thanks for your thoughts, any further ones really appreciated. Also really
appreciate the 'Good Luck' sentiments too.

I would say yes, but only because I did this myself. The other way round for me as I am the woman, felt nothing for my husband. I took the children and went. I now have a better relationship with my husband than I ever did when we were together. I am now married to my 'soul mate' and exptecting his baby. This isn't for everyone though it is your own choice, but to put things on another perspective it's not fair on your wife to lead her on if you dont love her. Let her go so she can also make something of her life. You only live once so make the best of it. Your children out of everyone should come frst no matter what.

Good luck. x

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