My Daughter’S Best Friend’S Mum

anaxcrosswords | 00:18 Tue 19th May 2015 | Relationships & Dating

12 Answers

Am I overthinking?
My daughter’s mother and I split a long time ago. Last year, in somewhat unlikely circumstances, I got my daughter to exchange her contact details with a girl who we met in a pub – she was with who I assumed were her parents, but it later transpired her parents were divorced and the people we met were either her dad and new partner or mum and new partner (I’m not sure, but it doesn’t matter). I got the two together because, overhearing their conversations, it was clear my daughter and this girl (who I’ll give the false name Ellie) had a heck of a lot in common in terms of musical interests. The girls are 14/15.
The end result is that they are inseparable, truly best friends, and it’s fantastic to see. As well as liking the same bands, they both play guitar/bass and are writing songs with a view to forming a band at some point. As a musician myself I love this, and as a joint birthday present between my daughter and I we bought Ellie a new guitar to replace the nice – but cheaply made – one she had, and she was actually crying with joy.
I’ve had no contact with Ellie’s father, but today I received a couple of really lovely messages of thanks from her mum, and here’s where it’s starting to get complicated. There might just be some ‘interest’ there, judging by the tone of her messages. And she is lovely.
But my brain is telling me this could get awfully complicated. Under no circumstances would I want Ellie to at some point start referring to me as ‘dad’, not least because I’m my daughter’s dad and I never want her to feel that I’m dividing that role between her and someone else, especially her best friend.
Thankfully, in terms of these messages between Ellie’s mum and me, things are at such an early stage that my backing out isn’t going to cause any harm whatsoever, but do I have any cause to be concerned, or am I being irrational?

Can't Get Away

Am I Wasting My Time

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woofgang

So you don't know who you met in the pub and don't know if in fact you have met Ellie's Mum?

ummmm

I wouldn't go there. Keep it platonic.

baza

Do what you think best, no right or wrong at the moment, it's not gone anywhere yet.

anaxcrosswords

Question Author

@Woofgang. No, I don't know. But we exchanged FB messages so I saw her profile pics. To be honest, by 'lovely' I mean the tone of what she was saying.

Canary42

At 14/15 your daughter ought to understand any new relationship and its ramifications, so I think your anxiety is unjustified. And she might be very pleased to welcome Ellie as a stepsister.

woofgang

So all you've done is messaged on FB and seen her pics and you are thinking it might lead somewhere? Could you possibly be reading too much into this?

woofgang

hang on....if you met the couple in the pub and have now seen pics of Mum on FB, you must know if you have met her.....

anaxcrosswords

Question Author

It was about a year ago, Woofgang, and I'm rather poor at remembering faces.
As for the FB messages, you're quite right - I may be reading into it more than there is, but as it stands the messages strike me as being (at least) subtle hints.

Cloverjo

Does your daughter remember if the woman you met in the pub was Ellie's mum?
Anyway, I think both girls would find it awkward (at their age) if one's dad started going out with the other's mum. If you kept it purely platonic it might be fun spending time with a woman you like, and the girls obviously like each other, but I think anything more might make the girls feel a bit weird about the situation.

anaxcrosswords

Question Author

@Canary42. Thanks for that - it's a very good point!