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Holiday toy boys � real love or sinister money making schemes?

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AB Asks | 11:10 Thu 22nd May 2008 | Body & Soul
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Sarah Matheson met her Indian lover whilst on a holiday with a friend; she said she had no intention of meeting a man, she had been a divorcee for ten years. Sarah did meet a man though - Farouk and she fell for him. She took sabbatical leave a few months after meeting him and flew out to meet him again, ignoring advice not to do so from her grown up children. She said she was bored after being alone for so many years. Her lover then went on to con Sarah out of tens of thousands of pounds, insisting if he borrowed money off her he would pay it back. He claimed he had businesses that were going through rough patches and that they could both live a wonderful life together with the sun, sea and sand. Later the scam was uncovered, he was pictured with other women and closed the bank accounts the tens of thousands of pounds were in. Sarah never got her money back and is now struggling with her loan and mortgage repayments. She isn't the first woman to have been conned out of money and thinks it is a problem that needs to be tackled, insisting that vulnerable women are easy prey for men who want to use them for their money. What do you think? Gullible? Or just a woman who fell in love?

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My nan did the same thing with a man from England. Fortunately she had enough money for it not to even register.

You don't need to go on holiday to get a boytoy. I have a fine specimentof toyboy myself, but its me that cons the money out of him.....oops.
I think it's a sad situation.

People - often women - can be very vulnerable after a divorce, even years after. It is easy to assume that a relationship is 'love' when it is, as in this instance, a cynical con trick.

It is very easy for those of us not in the situation to point and laugh, but i feel deep sympathy for this lady, and others in her situation. To adopt the moral high ground and scoff simply indicates a lack of empathy, and the realisation that if the circumstances are in place, we can all act in a way which logical thought tells us is ludicrous.
I disagree Andy, I�m afraid I don�t have any sympathy.

People can be gullible without being inherently stupid.
But Octavius, at the end of the day, if someone cons you out of money, why is that their fault, It should be the person who did the conning laid to blame. Its the same theory as she was asking for it being dressed like that. These men/and women are looking for weaknesses.

Why is there no sympathy for women who get conned yet when women do the conning or golddigging they are evil. Look at the nations distaste for Heather Mills.
It's a very sad situation and I agree with Andy. One of my closest friends was conned out of almost �8,000 by an ex con. She was ridiculed by so called friends and even the police had very little sympathy for her. She managed to get some money back, but she's never got over the hurt.
I have limited sympathy.

I don't like people to be taken advantage of in matters of the heart and I know how hard it can be when your heart says one thing but your head says another.

The lendiing of money however should have been the give away warning sign and there's no point in deluding yourself that you're going to be the one that's different when I don't think there's a female in England who hasn't heard stories like this. It's horrid when your heart wants what it wants but pushing away the opinion of your head (as she must have done, I don't believe a doubt never entered her mind) is just being dishonest to yourself and inviting bigger heart ache.
Look I�m not denying this person was �evil�. My b�te-noir towards Heather M-Mc is a personal feeling and has nothing to do with her divorce settlement, although it would seem her life was practically dedicated to ciphering the riches of wealthy men. That said, I have no sympathy for Macca.

Anyway, that aside. My point is that I can understand falling head over in heels in love with someone and dedicating yourself and your worldly possessions to them. God knows I do it every day to feed my wife�s shopping addiction! But really in all honesty, if you met someone who lived abroad and they said they had some financial difficulties - and lets imagine the money was available to you - could you really see yourself handing them a cheque for �20,000 and then further taking out a personal loan for them of �60,000 just like that?

Of course it is a sad situation and one wonders how someone could part with so much cash on the basis of a fling in a hot climate, but I mean come on, there�s gullibility and then there really is summink else!
I take your point Octavius, but i feel you are looking at the situation from the benefit of being a balanced happy outsider.

As I said, these women are vulnerable to begin with. They believe their new 'love's story about needing money because they want to be neeed, and that's the button he's pressing. What beter salve to a woman's wounded psyche than the thought that a man needs her again, and promises to make her happy.

Yes of course,. common sense shouts loud that this is a stupid idea, but a woman in this situation is not listening to her head, she's listening to her emotions, and right now they are promising her an end to her upset, and a future life, and she hears that loud and clear above the common sense message that she may pick up, but carefully puts aside.

I maintain it is a sad situation, and that given the circumstances we can all do things which our rational selves, along with rational strangers, will see as particularly brainless.

But emotion always has a stronger motor than logic, and the thought of love and happiness will always overide the need for financial caution. How else would this sad situation keep on happening?

In answer to AB's final comment - gullible, or just a woman who fell in love - the answer is - both.

That's the saddest part of all.
That as may be, Andy, and I agree with your last bit. Have you read the story? She had to have an HIV test as well and now is in danger of losing her home because of the loan secured on it. Did she really hope to pay off the loan with his income/refunds? And is now trying to blame the Indian Government for this problem.

Fair play to her though for raising the issue against the furore of ridicule and potential embarrassment. I think most people will reserve pity though as to ignore so many warning bells (there are some corkers in the article) is fairly unforgiveable.

Vulnerable or desperate and gullible, neither is a crime but of course the victim is always hurt, whether financial or otherwise.
How stupid are some people?
Andy, with the best will in the world I actually find your answer slightly patronising from a womans point of view.

Emotion has a stronger voice than logic yes but would you feel the same way if it was a bloke? For instant Macca or that old oil ****** that married Anna Nicole Smith? Or would you put them down as foolish old men who really should have known better? Did you think they were vulnerable? What about the lads who go out and marry brides from all over the world and get done over?

I'm not saying it's not a sad situation for her or that she wasn't vulnerable. But charged emotions or not she must have entertained some doubts. We all do when we first start out in relationships anyway and I'm sure that there were enough warning signs here.

I'm honestly not sticking up for the people who prey on others emotions, I think they're vile, but I do believe that we are responsible for some of the things we invite in to this life and while we can make some pretty big hum dingers, there has to be some scope to say 'what were you thinking?' Being emotional (male or female) does not equal the same as not engaging the brain and the two are not mutually exclusive. I'm afraid that as much as I sympathise, I think she brought a lot of this on herself. In much the same way as I think a bloke in similar circumstances would too.
Not sure what the stars are for... that should read t y c o o n.
To be fair, Andy seemed to be pertaining her to being 'unbalanced' in his 1st senetence.

I don't think he meant her bank account either.
'spose its no different than old men getting young thai brides.
China Doll (Hi, how are you!) - please accept my sincerest apoligies if I appeared in any way patronising. I know you know me well enough from our discourses on here to know that I would never intend, or wish to infer any such notion.

I would think excatly the same if the lady in question had been a man - in no way is emotional irrationality any respecter of gender, and I would not wish to in any way imply that the lady fell for the scam simply because she is a female.

That said, I do think that women are more prone to the concept of responding to a 'needy' man, because it makes them feel fulfilled and purposeful. I think a man's perspective would be more liely to be based on sexual desire - hence the endless stream of men who marry Thai brides and loose them as soon as the immigration formalities are completed.

As far as Octavious' observation, I have to confess that I have not read the news story, and probably therefore should not be making generalised coments as against specific details of this particular situation.

China Doll - I agree you would imagine that the warning signs are there to see - probably with metaphysical lights and sirens on them - but as I said, emotion will overule comon sense on any day with a 'y' in it - that's why this happened, and why it will happen again.
Glad we got that cleared up regarding the emotion thing. I did think it was a bit of a sweeping statement but I see your point. (I'm still not sure I agree entirely about women or men being more prone to the needy partner but that could just be a sign of the times these days,I know far too many women who get away with the waterworks trick).

I'm afraid that I jus can't accept that emotion rules the head that much either,I think it can do initially, in those first few months when everything is intense but surly when the dust has settled and you've forked out the first few thousand, I think that doubts would set in. I think it's a choice to ignore those doubts.
Yes, on that point I'd agree entirely CD.

I think that anyone can get swept away initially, and when the money starts its one-way trip, and it's time to take a long hard detatched look at things, that is when looking the other way becomes a preferable option.

As one of the characters memorably said in 'American Beauty' - "Never under-estimate the power of denial ..." and that is very true in this sort of sad situation.

Facing up to reality adds to the pain that the person thought they had eradicated - so why not willfully ignore what is happening and live on in blissful denial.
Well I can't argue with that. Denial is not just river in Egypt as they say.

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