Can someone please see if I am just too involved here?

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mrdkellysr | 20:20 Tue 05th Feb 2008 | Body & Soul
32 Answers
I have been married to the same man for almost 10 years now - we have been together almost 12. I have stayed throught him calling sex lines, ordering porn and lying, online personals and dating where he shows he is single with NO responsibilities. I am raising HIS 2 children (I don't have any) while he drives over the road. We have really lost our communication and sex life for such a long time and slowly we are gaining it back. I slammed the door to my heart on him years ago because of his lying and we have came to the point that it is open again. however I find it very difficult to believe he has not cheated and isn't cheating on me. I do realize that men love porn - however, I have found him posting himself on dating websites even putting his phone number in the past - had several different emails - I am very sure he has new ones now. I think maybe I need to just stop worrying about it because he is going to do what he is going to do. But, I feel like I should just let go now because in my heart - I feel it is like playing with a player who totally has no regard for my feelings. I have been 100% faithful to him and never lied to him about anything.
We have been sharing alot of intimate things lately trying to be open. However he clearly told me that he will never stop looking - which if I could feel in my heart was truthfully all he did - I could deal. We all have needs but I am the type that needs honest and open - not hiding and lying and cheating.
I am looking for input from outside the box. He costantly reassures me he has and will never cheat on me because he loves me too much - however, that is not what I really feel. He has given so many excuses for what he has already done - how is one to ever really know?


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Ive allways lived my life on the thought that once the trust has gone then things will never be the same...Relationships,friendships are built on trust..I am sorry for being blunt or somewhat negative,but from a blokes point of view,a leopard never changes its spots..From what ive read,i believe he knows that if you left him,he isnt going to meet anyone else..Most men pretend to change not because they love their partners,but because they fear the loss of routine,and they know,no other person is going to put up with their pathetic,selfish attitude......Not that i was ever like that your instincts hun
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I appreciate your input, I guess in my heart I know he will never be faithful to me. It is like he is real good at telling me what I want to hear - and I know he does it. I just don't understand why it is so hard to just walk - I feel he will never change - because he doesn't want to.
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i don't think he will cheat on u, mrdkellysr
i think he just goes on those dating websites and stuff just to flirt
i have a girlfriend and i do it all the time too
i've even told her about it and she doesn't mind as long as she knows that i love her more than anything else in the world
so don't be worried about ur husband mrdkellysr, just tell him to confess about flirting with women and tell him that as long as he loves u ur okay with it and hopefully u can get back to having a good sex life

hope that helps!
took a long time to write lol
oh and he's probably saying he's single so he can flirt with women
if they knew he was married they probably wouldn't want to flirt with him so he's told them he's single
Ive been through all that, but with a boyfriend not husband, its so not worth it, you end up looking for signs and playing detective and it eats you up.

I was ill with worry and got rid of him eventually.

relfy thats fine if your girlfriend is comfy with that but most folk wouldnt be
Its a bit different though 12 years down the line relfy, I know he says he is only looking but what happens if an offer he will find to tempting to say no to falls in his lap?

remember it cant be just looking if he is prepared to put his phone number and list he is single, he obviously has little regard for your feelings to do this.

You should try advertising for single men to show him how it feels to have your feelings trampled on.
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i know i'm just trying to give advice my love ;)
My heart goes out to you and I think that HE is the one with a major emotional problem and you seem to be doing your very best to deal with it. You need to take a long hard look at your relationship and if he prefers making online acquaintences, or joining online dating sites rather than earning your love and trust again then you need to let go.

Best of luck. Although I think you may already have made up your mind.

take care
redheadisbac i am sweet to my gf all the time and she knows i love her more than anyone or anything else on the world
she's not happy as such with me doing it, but she doesn't mind as long as i don't cheat on her and as long as i love her more than anything else in the world, which i do
We have but one life,why look back on it as wasted..Dont get me wrong,not everyones the all honesty i see many similarities in him to my own past...I have and i know that i have changed,i didnt change for my ex,i woke up the day she decided she had had enough and left, i changed for my children and for myself..I dont want her back nor her i....I reckon the sole reason being trust...its like wood rot,you can fill it in,sand it down then paint it over...yep its looks great from the outside,but underneath that rot is allways there,waiting to raise its ugly head again...Maybe he needs a shock to the system,to learn a lesson,that things need to change..have you tried??
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look redheadisbac i don't want an argument but can u stop saying horrible things to me?
i'm trying to help mrdkellysr by showing her my experiences and there's u making fun of me all the time
i haven't said anything bad about anyone, i'm just trying to help
so just stop saying bad things about me cos i want to be mates with u
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Leave him alone Red...

Go pick on someone who's balls have actually dropped ;o)
Yours "experiences" Relfy???? You're 15 for christ's sake. Leave this one to the adults.
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Come on now people, relfy is only trying to help, cut him some slack, he may not have loads of life experience but his heart was in the right place.
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As to trying to wake him up - well when I had proof in hand about the online dating stuff - he told me maybe I should go sleep with someone else and it would make me feel better so I would get over it. I guess I have gotten to the point in my life I don't feel stooping to his level would in anyway make me feel better - only make me as hurtful as he is. If anyone has any ideas other than cheating on him - by all means - I am all ears. In the beginning I used to make it a point to take a weekend (without giving him advanced notice) and go to MN to visit a girlfriend - seemed to help. The only thing now is I only see him a few days a month and it is really hard on me. The other thing that really bothers me I have a dear friend (married guy) which I am really good friends with as we are both into horses. His wife has MS and cannot physically do the horse things with him anymore - she is OK with us being friends as her and I are also. He is SO overly jealous of and I don't understand it as it has always been completely open and I have never lied about our friendship - but he will be best friends with him when they are both around. This I guess is another thing that makes me wonder because he is SO jealous about me having any male friend - even though he knows them and I tell him everything!

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