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Can someone please see if I am just too involved here?

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mrdkellysr | 20:20 Tue 05th Feb 2008 | Body & Soul
32 Answers
I have been married to the same man for almost 10 years now - we have been together almost 12. I have stayed throught him calling sex lines, ordering porn and lying, online personals and dating where he shows he is single with NO responsibilities. I am raising HIS 2 children (I don't have any) while he drives over the road. We have really lost our communication and sex life for such a long time and slowly we are gaining it back. I slammed the door to my heart on him years ago because of his lying and we have came to the point that it is open again. however I find it very difficult to believe he has not cheated and isn't cheating on me. I do realize that men love porn - however, I have found him posting himself on dating websites even putting his phone number in the past - had several different emails - I am very sure he has new ones now. I think maybe I need to just stop worrying about it because he is going to do what he is going to do. But, I feel like I should just let go now because in my heart - I feel it is like playing with a player who totally has no regard for my feelings. I have been 100% faithful to him and never lied to him about anything.
We have been sharing alot of intimate things lately trying to be open. However he clearly told me that he will never stop looking - which if I could feel in my heart was truthfully all he did - I could deal. We all have needs but I am the type that needs honest and open - not hiding and lying and cheating.
I am looking for input from outside the box. He costantly reassures me he has and will never cheat on me because he loves me too much - however, that is not what I really feel. He has given so many excuses for what he has already done - how is one to ever really know?

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Im not sure what you are doing with him....

He is jealous of your male friends because he thinks that you would have the same thought processes as him (cheating) so therefore he cannot contemplate you having a platonic friendship with a man.

This relationship sounds as though its come to a natural end, fighting it would just be a waste of your precious time, you will only feel bitter in years to come when the reality of your relationship dawns on you.
sorry mrdkellysr, thats double standards, he wants to have his cake and eat it

I cant think of anything that will make you feel better Im afraid. He sounds like trouble. I would dump him and find someone who will respect you more.

good luck
Question Author
I appreciate all of the input everyone is giving me - I guess in reality I have known for a long time - however it is really hard to do what I know is inevitable in my life right now and I just really needed for friendly conversation relating to what I am going through - It has gotten to the point I really don't have many friends I can talk to anymore as I don't really do anything but go to work and come home! If anyone is looking for an email penpal - let me know! LOL
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Well, I am at work and have to go home now - I am off tomorrow but - if anyone has anything else please post - I will check it when I get in on Thursday! Thanks all - I feel a little more confident that it isn't me and I am not loosing my mind!
-- answer removed --
thanks cazzz for sticking up for me
ur the only one that's realised i'm trying to help mrdkellysr
I really struggle to understand why women are so forgiving! if your own son behaved and acted in such a way,would you stand by and not say owt,or vice versa and it was your daughter in such a situation..I have 3 daughters,my eldest is 15 next month..There are very few genuine blokes out there,the ones who are usually have some hang up somewhere down the line...I think its just one of those caveman instincts that stay in us all,the majority of us blokes cant help it...weakness...allways trying to keep the boy inside us alive before the old fart takes over
Hey mrdkellysr,

Sounds like my ex-husband.

What makes you think you are worth so little?

Do you not think you deserve to be treated with respect, love and kindness?

Wake up and smell the coffee.

BB xx
Hi there

I know exactly what you are going through. You sound a bit like me, I have put up with stuff that I shouldnt have for years. I would love to be your penpal!
I'm sorry, but your husband is controlling, and has you where he wants you. Whilever he tells you that he loves you, you're falling for it and letting him get away with his sordid, pathetic flirtattions. This isn't love. He's getting his cake and eating it. Of COURSE he gets jealous of you - if you left him, he'd find it very hard to find another partner who was so loyal and understanding. You probably won't - but in your shoes, I'd have walked ages ago - and there's still time. x
Question Author
Well, I do appreciate everyones input - clarified alot in my head and I have came to a decision regarding tollerating this from my husband. I do agree with alot of what everyone has said here. However I would like to touch on a few things. I know it is rare these days however, I did get married because I love my husband. I do realize this does not excuse allowing this to be in my life. After posting here I came to the reality that I do not have to put up with this - I am not one to just walk away however, we did have an extensive talk about all of the items which have been going on and I have laid it all on the table and clearly let my husband know that either it stops here or I want out. I don't really think he knows how to take my matter of fact personality however, I am confident he understands that the games are over and he has a choice to make. If he chooses to make the wrong one - then so be it. From my standpoint - I am not getting any younger but, will by no means have a problem finding a man in this world to treat me right. My second thing was that being open is MOST important - which after checking the program I put on his laptop to see what he is doing - he was truthful - which is good! Thirdly, I made the point to him as well that I do know what he is doing - and that he needs to think of how it would make him feel if he went on these sites and found me on there looking? I assured him that if he does not have enough respect to keep his promise now then - he will find out as I will make it a point to put the same pain in his heart before I walk that he has put into mine by looking!
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I guess time will tell - I can only hope that our long talks over the last 48 hours have been like reality slapping him in the face - I do know one thing - I have enough of his heart that I can truly hurt him - and I assured him that should he choose to continue with his behavior - I guarantee he will feel the pain I have felt now for so long - and that will be the last he ever has with me is the emotional pain he has given me-right back at him!
We'll see how it goes - I have to admit - the statement regarding his children - yes they have been used for a long time - however, they are both older now and I know he realized that doesn't work anymore! Now it is the point of history and past's for both of us - but, the buck stops here and he is well aware of it so - only time will tell. I guess my issue is I have had a hard time realizing things from the inside of the box. All of my issues were put out there and he actually did open up to me this time - not that that means anything after all of the b/s but, I am one I cannot just turn away from 12 years with him without at least giving him an oportunity! I guess that is what love is - sometimes it makes no sense - but, when I walk I never want to have a doubt that I did everything I possibly could and left no stone unturned trying to have what we started with. If my trust is ill placed - so be it. But, when I walk - there will be NO doubt or looking back as I have given it my all and given him the opportunity to be what he should be - if he chooses not to - it will then be on him!

red_dragon: I would love to have a pen-pal - how do we exchange email?

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