Food & Drink1 min ago
help me
27 Answers
i'm so stressed out in life. my husband neglects me. i'm basically raising my kids on my own. he's too busy drinking and golfing. he never wants to spend time with me. i'm always with the kids so i never get to go out and do anything. don't get me wrong, i love my kids. and they are so fun to be with. but i need adult conversation!
does anyone have any advice?
and is anyone going through something similar?
thank you,
angie
does anyone have any advice?
and is anyone going through something similar?
thank you,
angie
Answers
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just get up an go somehwere for a week and leave them to it. I did this once and it worked big time! They went into shock and didn't know what to do. They begged me to come back but I said I would but on my terms and things would have to change. They did change and for the better and I have not looked back. My kids were older at the time so I could leave them with no guilty feelings but then why should you have guilty feelings, he doesn't?
is ther no way you can sit you husband down and talk to him. Or are there any mother and toddler groups you could join?
I have to disagree with eyeshade's suggestion because I mum did exactly that. It may have pulled my father into line but we were only young at the time and didn't understand what was going on and thought our mum had deserted us, when she did come back I used to come home from school looking for her all round the house and if she wasn't there I went into a panic thinking she had left again. This was 33 years ago and I still remember the feelings and the fear, so think very carefully before taking such action.
Hope you can get it sorted.
warpig
I have to disagree with eyeshade's suggestion because I mum did exactly that. It may have pulled my father into line but we were only young at the time and didn't understand what was going on and thought our mum had deserted us, when she did come back I used to come home from school looking for her all round the house and if she wasn't there I went into a panic thinking she had left again. This was 33 years ago and I still remember the feelings and the fear, so think very carefully before taking such action.
Hope you can get it sorted.
warpig
Wow, with kids to look after you still manage to get onto AB @ 2am, get some sleep, it might all feel alright again if your rested!!
As everyone has said you need to talk to him, tell him how you feel, ask him how he feels too, like i've said to many people on here, men and women are programmed totally differently, what upsets us often goes unnoticed in the male brain, it's not until we express ourselves men generally understand whats wrong, no fault of their own, just the way we have all evolved.
Unless you tell him how you feel, it will just get worse, your feelings of resentment may grow and you may start feeling very low. Share your problems..... I doubt you wouldn't have married someone you couldn't talk to or would be prepared to help you out.
As everyone has said you need to talk to him, tell him how you feel, ask him how he feels too, like i've said to many people on here, men and women are programmed totally differently, what upsets us often goes unnoticed in the male brain, it's not until we express ourselves men generally understand whats wrong, no fault of their own, just the way we have all evolved.
Unless you tell him how you feel, it will just get worse, your feelings of resentment may grow and you may start feeling very low. Share your problems..... I doubt you wouldn't have married someone you couldn't talk to or would be prepared to help you out.
Morning Baby Jane, how are you? Yes it was terrible and the saddest thing of all was that my mum must have been at the end of her tether to take such drastic action.
Angie, Katie might have a point about working. I have been 'not working' for the last 10 weeks and although I have no children it is driving me to distraction, I too have no one to talk to which explains why I am on here all the time.
warpig XX
Angie, Katie might have a point about working. I have been 'not working' for the last 10 weeks and although I have no children it is driving me to distraction, I too have no one to talk to which explains why I am on here all the time.
warpig XX
ALLO i also agree with Katie that you need something to get you away from it all on a daily basis - such as work. When my mum became redundent and started working for my dads business it made things a whole lot worse. You need you own independent lifestyle - even if it's a part-time job.
Also, like the others have said - sit your husband down down and tell him how you feel.
Hope it all pans out in the end x
Also, like the others have said - sit your husband down down and tell him how you feel.
Hope it all pans out in the end x
i tried working on week-ends when i was pregnant with the third. hubbie bitched the whole time. he thought it was unfair cause he didn't get to sleep in. and it interupted his golf.
yes i am in the usa, so it was like 9pm. i already had put my kids to bed. all alone i might add.
my kids all go to bed by 8pm. and when you see me post on here, i'm not hanging on unless they are napping. usually i pop on for 5min here and there.
last night he was drunk again and he hangs outside with my step-dad. i told him how selfish he is and don't be supprised if i have an affair. i said i need to find love, compasion, a friend somewhere.
(i would never cheat by the way. just angry words.)
he told me he could have 10 to my 1. that he has women throwing themselves all over him.
at this point i wish he would. not many women would put up with a drunkerd! i've been dealing with this for 10 years, and i'm only 27!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i find comfort on here, but can't hang on. i feel guilty when the kids are up. they need mommy if daddy ain't around.
yes i am in the usa, so it was like 9pm. i already had put my kids to bed. all alone i might add.
my kids all go to bed by 8pm. and when you see me post on here, i'm not hanging on unless they are napping. usually i pop on for 5min here and there.
last night he was drunk again and he hangs outside with my step-dad. i told him how selfish he is and don't be supprised if i have an affair. i said i need to find love, compasion, a friend somewhere.
(i would never cheat by the way. just angry words.)
he told me he could have 10 to my 1. that he has women throwing themselves all over him.
at this point i wish he would. not many women would put up with a drunkerd! i've been dealing with this for 10 years, and i'm only 27!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i find comfort on here, but can't hang on. i feel guilty when the kids are up. they need mommy if daddy ain't around.
Jeez, ALLO, don't quite know what to say, but I will gladly come over and kick him from one end of the high street to the other if you like!
Ok, so you have tried to talk to him and he has thrown it back in your face in the most nasty way. Now you have to decide how to deal with it. Short of leaving him, you must create your own, independent life, separate from him. I could check out mother and baby groups as this will give you the company you need and also I am sure you will find that you are not alone in this situation. You need some people outside the sphere of your husband and his influence so you can offload in confidence.
Is there any way your mum could have a word with your step-dad perhaps? Not to sure if that is a good idea or not depending on whether it make things worse.
Sincerely hope you get something sorted out and in the meantime us limeys are always here for you.
Take care
warpig
XX
Ok, so you have tried to talk to him and he has thrown it back in your face in the most nasty way. Now you have to decide how to deal with it. Short of leaving him, you must create your own, independent life, separate from him. I could check out mother and baby groups as this will give you the company you need and also I am sure you will find that you are not alone in this situation. You need some people outside the sphere of your husband and his influence so you can offload in confidence.
Is there any way your mum could have a word with your step-dad perhaps? Not to sure if that is a good idea or not depending on whether it make things worse.
Sincerely hope you get something sorted out and in the meantime us limeys are always here for you.
Take care
warpig
XX
Allo
Your poor darlin.Im sorry but he sounds a real b*****d. I hope you can turn him around in his way of thinking cos your children need a dad. Saying that, would they be better off with out him,hard to say really. Hang in there and good luck.
Wrapig.I am very well thank you sweetheart and I hope you are too
xx
Your poor darlin.Im sorry but he sounds a real b*****d. I hope you can turn him around in his way of thinking cos your children need a dad. Saying that, would they be better off with out him,hard to say really. Hang in there and good luck.
Wrapig.I am very well thank you sweetheart and I hope you are too
xx
You obviously have communication issues. Stop threatening him and giving him ultimatums. Tell him what you would like him to do, tell him why you would like him to do it and how it makes you feel when he doesn't do it. Don't let him interrupt until you've got it off your chest and start the conversation with the end in mind eg. him agreeing to spend more time with you and the kids or even giving you time off from the kids.
Also don't use accusatory statements such as "you are", "you always" etc
Instead try starting sentences with "I think that when..." "I get the impression that I ...." "I feel sad when..." etc this will show him how you feel, which ought to be your main priority, instead of showing him what he is doing in such an accusatory manner, accusations just bring about conflict.
Bit garbled and all over the place but I hope that helps!
Also don't use accusatory statements such as "you are", "you always" etc
Instead try starting sentences with "I think that when..." "I get the impression that I ...." "I feel sad when..." etc this will show him how you feel, which ought to be your main priority, instead of showing him what he is doing in such an accusatory manner, accusations just bring about conflict.
Bit garbled and all over the place but I hope that helps!
thank you all for your help. my mom just put her husband in his place this morning about staying out gettin drunk.
i've had talks with him about my feelings, he don't care. i've even taken my kids and left a few times. he'll be good for a week, then it's back to the same old crap.
my main reason for staying is the kids. they love daddy. at times he's a good daddy. i don't want to take that from them, but yet they don't need to see us fighting either.
i did tell him if he don't change his ways soon he can pack his bags and leave. all he said to that was fu*k you.
i'm so confused with the rite thing to do. i can't work. nobody can watch my kids and can't afford daycare. and he's told me before if i go for child support he'll quit his job and go work where he don't make alot.
the only good thing is we live with my brother, so i do have a home. but he can't support us and his daughter.(his woman of 12yrs just left him) he needs are help money wise to keep his home.
i've had talks with him about my feelings, he don't care. i've even taken my kids and left a few times. he'll be good for a week, then it's back to the same old crap.
my main reason for staying is the kids. they love daddy. at times he's a good daddy. i don't want to take that from them, but yet they don't need to see us fighting either.
i did tell him if he don't change his ways soon he can pack his bags and leave. all he said to that was fu*k you.
i'm so confused with the rite thing to do. i can't work. nobody can watch my kids and can't afford daycare. and he's told me before if i go for child support he'll quit his job and go work where he don't make alot.
the only good thing is we live with my brother, so i do have a home. but he can't support us and his daughter.(his woman of 12yrs just left him) he needs are help money wise to keep his home.
