usless?

[joshieboyo]

I live alone and don't very often see my family, I feel like I am a burden to them so I don't very often call on them for anything, unless its things I can't do then I call my son. After my wife dies my son suggested I go into sheltered accommodation and I said no, I have become less able over the past few years and like a lot of people have some illnesses that prevent me from doing certain things, however, I am very happy in my home and it is full of memories for me. My son called me last night (which is a surprise in itself) and said that he and his wife had been talking with my daughter and they have come to the conclusion that I would benefit more from being in a home! I do not want to go into a home! I told my son this and he said I am being awkward and am in denial, that I was an old man and should start acting like one, that I would end up falling and hurting myself if I am not looked after properly (I can look after myself son, I told him) I'm sure that most people think that once you reach a certain age you must be totally incapable of doing anything!

[crete]

josh, nice to hear from you again. it is you who decides where you stay not your children, if you manage to life independently do so as long as you can if the time comes when you may require some assistance social services would assist you ,

[Pippa68]

Stand your ground. If you are capable enough of looking after yourself there is absolutely no need to go into a home.

How preposterous! you obviously are NOT a burden on your family, considering the fact that you hardly call them to help you with anything..and you have no need for help oing the day to day things.

They cannot force the issue. Your GP or social services would get involved if you really did need to go into a home ~ and you have to really need the help and supervision for them to agree.

As long as you are happy where you are continue to make your point. Only when and if you decide to move will you consider their opinions on the matter. xx

[joshieboyo]

Hello there crete,
I agree that it is down to me, and luckily enough I still have enough courage to stand up to my son and say no, but I wonder sometimes as to whether any other elderly people actually feel so pressured to do what their family are asking of them that they do move to a home. I�m not saying that I never will as there will come a time when I will have to, but I still have most of my marbles at the moment. I find it sad that older people now seem to be just a pain to their offspring.

[snagged]

sorry josh.. but if I were you I'd 'kick his @rse all the way down the street' for being so impertinent... ;o)

[joshieboyo]

Hello pippa,
I�m glad that it�s not every one who thinks us old boyos are just dotty old fools then.

Thank you

[4getmenot]

Well you know what I cant think of anyone that can type and use a computer as well as you needing to go into a home. I�m sure you are not a burden to them and they are just trying to help. Maybe you can compromise and have some home help. Tell them you are not that incapable that you need to leave the home you love so much, and all the memories it has.

[joshieboyo]

Hello snagged
If I had the energy I would! I wonder if my son realises that he irritates me almost as much as I irritate him?

[snagged]

thats fathers and sons for you! ;o)

[joshieboyo]

4getmenot, what a lovely person you are. It was my grandson that got me to buy a computer in the end, I have spent the best part of a year learning how to do this ha-ha.

[Pippa68]

Oh no, joshie ~ it is your son who is dotty, I reckon ;o)

I don't wish to assume..but is there any particular reason your son gave for putting you in a home, besides you 'benefitting more'?

What those benefits are, I don't know!

[johnlambert]

joshie, if your quality of life is ok, if you can cook for youself, and generaly look after youself then your children cannot force you into sheltered accommodation.

[joshieboyo]

Pippa, he lives a fair distance from me and I don�t think he wants it on his conscience if anything happens to me, I think that if I were to drop down dead today he would feel guilty for not being there with me, but if he were to put me in a home and I were to pass on as it may be, then he would feel he has done all he can, he hasn�t said that to me obviously, but that�s my reasoning behind it, and in a way I can understand, he has his own family and life to get on with.

[snagged]

josh.. stop making excuses for him... he's simply putting the onus on someone else...

[4getmenot]

Well my nan wouldn�t have even known how to turn the computer on :-) but saying that she never went into a home but she didn�t live too far from us so we always helped when we could. I think a lot of the time when my dad was too busy with work to get to her she thought she was a burden. But it was never like that. She was in her own little bungalow but she had a warden that would check up on her, so that was always reassuring

[whiskeysheri]

Hi, joshieboyo!

You seem just as capable as looking after yourself as my nan can, well, more so, as she can't even work her house phone half of the time! Bless her!

If any of us were to suggest that she go in a home we'd never hear the end of it. She only has the use of one eye and has recently been diagnosed with diabetes, but manages fine. She does fall occasionally, but that's more to do with her eye and the fact she rushes around everywhere! I go 'round everyday to help her test her blood sugar levels, but she's my nan, not a burden.

I think your son is, maybe, suggesting it so, as you say, he'd feel he'd done all he could for you if anything were to happen. You know what you're capable of, stick to your guns!

You're as old as you feel, as they say! :o)

[idalovett]

Josh, you sound as if you are not a burden to anyone. You are independent and proud and know when to ask for help as we all do at times. I think your son has a problem thinking ahead into the future and is finding excuses for his can't be bothered attitude and is blaming you for his own shortcomings. If you feel you are capable being on your own then remain independent please! Very nice of people to talk about you when not in your presence and sort out your life and report to you on how they decide that you should live it and where you should live it - not.

[Octavius]

You seem mightily eloquent and proficient for someone accused of being a doddery old man. You mention that age and illness prevents you from doing certain things. What things exactly?

Would the sheltered housing that your son & daughter have in mind be nearer to where one of them lives?

[joshieboyo]

Thank you all for your replies,
Octavius, the accommodation is not close to them as far as I am aware, it is closer to where I am living now. Age and illness, the illness is not preventing as such, I have bad legs and find it difficult to walk long distances but other than that I am in great health.

[samuel23]

Sorry Joshie but I'm going to be a bit blunt here. Please don't take offence as none is intended.
If they are that worried about you why haven't they offered to build you an annexe on their house or get you a place closer to them? It sounds like they are trying to justify not keeping in regular contact and perhaps they are thinking about financial gain too.
My mum is very ill, she had me quite late in life and is well into her 70s, she has had several major ops including the last one which was a quadruple heart bypass. Yet my siblings and I all know that she loves her own home, because it gives her a sense of freedom (seriously curtailed now, because of trouble walking very far). We would never dream of putting pressure on her to do something she didn't want to do. Sounds like your son and daughter are being a bit too quick to sideline you ~ ulterior motives at work?