am i being unreasonable

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ChuffingHell | 10:44 Wed 20th Sep 2006 | Body & Soul
16 Answers
i booked a long weekend away for my bfs birthday to see a football match, do a couple of other activities he'd wanted to do, dinner etc etc. his birthday is on a monday but we're actually going away the weekend before that (effectively 11 days before) because of the day of the football match.

this morning he told me that he's meant to go away with his work on the day of his actual birthday and stay away that evening, coming home on the tuesday after a conference. i'm really annoyed about this; i'd booked dinner for that evening because, as far as i'm concerned, whilst we're doing stuff for his birthday the weekend before, it doesn't mean we wouldn't celebrate it on the day itself - for example, that was the day I was planning on giving him his present.

he doesn't think i'm being reasonable because we are already doing something for his birthday the week before so why should i be annoyed about him being away on the night itself. am i being unreasonable? how would you react in this situation?


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His birthday, his work, up to him. Maybe he might have been able to tell you sooner. But seen as you havent planned anything dont see the problem, seems like you will have a wonderful weekend the week before. :-)
Does his work often take him away? Mr Spudqueens does, and he has missed my birthday some years, and for the last two years has missed our youngest sons birthday. I appreciate that it's something that cannot be helped, so we celebrate as a family at the weekend. It's not ideal, but such is life.
Difficult one.As you are celebrating his birthday the weekend before maybe he didn't think you would also do something on the actual day itself.And you will see him in the morning before he goes to work won't you?
Does he have to go away the night before the conference - couldn't he go down on the tuesday morning?
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4getmenot, I had made plans for the day itself. Although we both work ffull time, I had booked dinner at a nice restaurant for that evening and was planning on giving him whatever present I end up getting him, on that day too.

But it is his birthday and his work, not mine. I'm just frustrated by the way he seems to prioritise things.
yer I can understand how you are feeling like he should have said hang on my girlfriend may have something planned. But he may just have thought the weekend before was it. Its just a day try and pretend his birthday is week before. Some people arent so lucky to even get to celebrate with their loved ones whether week before or week after. Would have probably been worse if something he was doing with mates but maybe he felt like he couldnt say no to work :-)
Bloke's point of view: you're being completely irrational

You're already celebrating/marking the occasion with a special weekend
It's his birthday, NOT yours
Did he know you were planning on dinner out and giving him a present on the day itself? Perhaps he thought the footie and weekend away was the present?

You'd like to do something special on his birthday - he thinks you already are.

Just make sure he knows to book the day off for YOUR birthday as these occasions obviously mean a great deal to you.
Personally, the key words in your post are 'meant to go away' ie is this a conference that would harm his work situation if he did not attend or is it one that his bosses would just like him to attend.

If it is the latter and knowing you have planned something for his birthday, then for me he should explain the situation to his bosses and try his utmost to be with you.

If it is the former, then that is a different matter and it think he has no alternative but to go to the conference - and make it up to you in other ways!
Sorry Chuffing but I think you're being unreasonable. You're already going away for his birthday, it's a work thing and not like he's jumping ship for a night out with the lads.

Granted it might have been nice to give him his present on his actual birthday but you can still do it the next day. These things happen.

As someone who's birthday falls on a really annoying day of the year I often have to have a couple of celebrations a week before and/or after to incorporate all my friends and my family. It's no big deal if I don't see them on my actual birthday as long as I get to spend time with them on one day celebrating.

Chin up... could be worse xx

This is where I do sympathise with men a bit (only a little bit mind).

In this situation, I would very probably feel exactly the way that you do, but is that really fair? Look at it from the (slightly more emotionally limited) perspective of a man brain. You're taking him away for a fantastic paid weekend, mixing romance with football, it doesn't get a lot better for many men. He knows about this and has kept that weekend free. He then either gets told or asked to go away for work on his birthday, and he thinks 'that's ok' because he knows it wont muck-up ChuffingHells plans.... And now he's getting told off, and he's not really sure why.

In an ideal work CH, he'd turn around to work and say, I can't possibly stay away that night because it's my birthday and I want to spend it with the wonderful woman I love.

But life's not that kind to us. So, to conclude, I don't think he's doing anything wrong, get up slightly earlier with him on his birthday and have a lovely breakfast with him, and give him his present then. It's not worth having an argument over.

Have a lovely time x
Sorry Chuff, but I think that you are being a tad unreasonable, given that you are celebrating before hand.
Work does unfortunately get in the way of enjoyment sometimes - and at the end of the day, it pays the bills !
I am sure that your partner would probably rather be at home on his birthday too.
My hubby away loads and misses various things at home including birthdays, school plays, anniversaries.
Its unavoidable unfortunately.
Hope you celebrate in style on your long weeekend . Make the most of him while he's with you !! :-D
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Dont make a fuss. Just cancel dinner and do it the day he comes back along with giving him his pressie and doing anything else special you wish to do-it's something for him to look forward to coming home to.

As he's going away for a long weekend with you, maybe his bit on the side has demanded that he spends the actual night of his birthday with her. You should phone up his boss and find out if this 'conference' is real and, if so, whether Julia from accounts will also be there.
look at it this way hun, do you really think that your fella WANTS to spend his birthday working? Come on, that not him getting his priorities wrong, it's a commitment to his job that has to be fulfilled. give him a treat the night after when he gets back.
Just ask him if he has to go or not,as has already been said,im sure he doesn't want to work on his birthday.Or you could always ask to go with him ; 0
i understand you are a bit upset that your plans have been ruined, but, YOU have booked, arranged, organised, planned everything down to little details like the exact moment you are going to give him his present and it sounds like you just did all this without asking him - because he would have told you about work if you had.

some people like to have things organised for them - but there is a fine line between organising a treat and control.

it is his birthday and its up to him how he spends it.

you say he had 'prioritized' things not in your favour - but he is spending 11 whole days away with you!
just you!
let him spend some time with the other people who matter in his life!

besides the actual date itself is not that important - you are celebrating the fact that he was born, and that it is the anniversaryof that birth, not a date on a calendar, so just do all the things you planned beforehand.

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