What should I do about my horrible "friend"?

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malaise | 17:01 Mon 10th Apr 2006 | Body & Soul
10 Answers
I used to live with a girl and we were like family to one another. Another friend and I jokingly introduced her to a sugardaddy dating website. A couple of weeks later, I found one of those stickers they put on your bags on a flight on the floor in our living room. It was to Dublin. The girl hadn't told me about it (and was EXTRA skint = �30k debts. I'll also add, she was off on long-term SKIVE from work) so I was quite upset. The next week she went to Barcelona for a week (yes, still off "sick" from work) with this same guy. I asked her about him and she said he was an "ugly geek" whom, surprise surprise, she's met on Bizarrely, he was 25. She got pregnant, which I firmly believe was deliberate, on this second date to Barcelona. I've known her for 7 years and she'd never once even had a pregnancy SCARE. She came off the pill about 6 months previously, so she knew to use condoms, and didn't bother. Additionally, she DESPISES children. Anyway, I digress: She's now bought a house with this guy (possibly two!) after moving out and not giving me any notice. I am still really resentful of her, for leading this guy up the garden path, taking his money, and using a child to do so. She's already informed me that she's paying nothing for the mortgage but has "made sure" that she'll get half of everything when they break up.
I don't know what to do. Do I put my anger behind me? After all, it's not ME she's hurting. I love children, and would love to be involved with the baby, and this girl, but I really don't know if I can face having her rubbing her �300k house and cars in my face . I also really like the guy involved. He's really sweet and kind, and we get on really well. I feel that he's been made a REAL fool of (and it also transpires that he was living with his fiancee of 5 years the day before moving in with my ex flatmate!) What do you think I should do? I really need an objective view on the situation!


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A "Friend" like that is not worth knowing malaise. You must be feeling so let down x

"he was living with his fiancee of 5 years the day before moving in with my ex flatmate"

Er so he was seeing her while living with his fiancee while joining a dating site and seeing your friend?? Yeah right enough, what a nice guy! Leave them to it, sounds like they are perfect for each other!

You call this girl a friend i would love to know your definition of friendship!. it sounds to me as if you have a touch of the green eyed monster. let this girl get on with her life, her and her partner are consenting adults,and your just sounding bitter

If theguy met her from that website he must know her intentions but maybe its a price he is willing to pay?

She sounds horrible and if there is one thing I believe in its karma. She will get her just desserts.

If money really makes her so happy (especially the way she got it!) she is a very sad individual.

If this man left his fiancee for her then he deserves everything he has coming to him. Which is, no doubt, she will leave him and demand half the value of the house and child maintainence payments for the next 16 years.

I dont hink you should do anything but have as little to do with her as possible.

Firstly that guy was on the website so he must know what she is after. He isn't stupid. But if he is happy to live like this then so be it. I don't think you should waste anymore time on this so called friend. She is only hurting herself and comprimising her own self respect. If oneday she realises what she has done then maybe you stand a chance of being good friends again but if not.. then maybe she was really that shallow all along, and do you really want to be friends with someone like that?
Question Author
fina: Yes, I do feel let down. But I want to be a good friend... I have known her for years, and if she would stop boasting about how she's managed to rip this guy off to such huge prooprtions in the space of about 3 weeks, it would be so much easier for me to do this! :-(

mycatis: Yes, he was. I didn't really see it like that... Good point!

jay139: Calm yourself down. My definition of friendship certainly isn't one where my ex flatmate ditches me without paying rent just because she's got her own situation sorted via internet prostitution. p.s It's spelled "you're".
Question Author
alijangra, Rubyrose: You are right. They deserve each other. It's just difficult when you've been so close with someone to find out that they're really like. I'm going to be civil, but I wont waste my time running after her any more x
how do you spell sour grapes
You can't stop people from making mistakes. You can only be there for them when they realise. She needs to learn on her own that she is in a loveless relationship for nothing other than money. If by some tiny grace of God she is actually happy and in love with him then try your best to be happy for her and let her get on with it. I know its hard to watch people you care about, make mistakes. xx

Now would be a good time to start cultivating some new friends. If she found her man at, he is well aware that he is being taken. I think you should just bow out gracefully, wish her the best, and examine what you really look for in a friend.

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