Nailit, what about your nephew in the wheelchair? his happy outlook on life, never playing the victim, what would he think of you? you said recently you don't play the victim, well don't do it now. Sober up, either sleep or take a shower and think with a clear head. Get a piece of paper and pen/pencil, whatever and think of all the reasons not to take pills, you've been down this road before and got over it. Prove to all that love you how strong you are really. I don't know what happened with the police but you're at home and things can't be that bad, you've not killed anyone, loads of folk get into trouble during the weekend, wait and see what's going to happen. Talk to your wife, don't do something silly to yourself - not often if ever I reach out to you but I am today, lucky you eh!! Be kind to yourself whatever happened can be remedied, it just looks way bad now.