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Infomaniac | 09:37 Thu 27th Nov 2014 | Body & Soul
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I don't know how to deal with this. I am on holiday with my husband and do most of the driving, navigating myself using maps and road signs, however my husband likes to depend upon the satnav on his phone, although his interpretation of it is somewhat dubious. I have to point out that he has suffered a brain injury (which he refuses to accept). He decided he wanted to do some of the driving because the country we are in drives on the left as we do (he could not cope with driving on the right). However, he insisted I used the satnav on his phone to direct him. So, I am giving him instructions based on the information on his phone, just as he asked me to, when he suddenly said that the instructions could not be right. I said that I was just telling him what his satnav said, and he told me to "*** off". I was a bit shocked by this response. In trying to talk to him about this later, telling him how upset I was by his remark, he said his was a perfectly normal response and I shouldn't be upset by it. He could not understand why I was so upset. Am I bring unreasonable?


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No, you are not being unreasonable.

Regardless of the circumstances, it is simply not appropriate for any husband or wife to use that language to their partner.

I think you should advise him that his behaviour was hurtful and disrespectful, and you expect an apology when he has thought it over.
While I don't condone his telling you to **** off, people get stressed by driving when they don't know where they're going. It sounds like this is a one-off. I'd forget it if I were you.
Question Author
I wish it were a one-off, but this sort of situation is only too regular. The trouble is that when an unreasonable Person is adamant that they are never wrong, it makes one doubt oneself. There is a sort of an apology with a "but" . . .
Ah, well. Then that's different. Next time he tells you to **** off, say quietly but firmly "don't tell me to **** off, please".
Depending on the situation stop what you're doing and leave the room. Come back in and do something for yourself.

I know you didn't ask for advice, just if you're being unreasonable. No, you're not.
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But thank you for your advice anyway.
No your not being unreasonable, it's really not nice to be spoken to like that, especially from your other half. You say he had a brain injury, could this be part of his problem? I'm asking as my brother-in-law suffered a brain injury and it has effected his moods, he can be very hurtful to his wife and not even realise this. Very hard to live with.
Good point, fairycakes. My mum had brain tumours that changed her personality and made her say the most awful things to my dad, that would have mortified her had she been healthy.
"Regardless of the circumstances, it is simply not appropriate for any husband or wife to use that language to their partner"
Well I don't agree with that at all , it all depends on the tone in which it's said and the intention behind it. I will often say that to my OH but in a jokey voice and vice versa.
If it's unusual for him to say that to you info then yes I can understand why you're upset. You need to talk it through with him.

Not an unreasonable response at all and certainly not a reason for a www discussion.
He was perhaps under pressure......we all say things that we may later regret when under pressure.

No big deal.......not the end of the world. would hate living in my house....

Info.....don't be upset, it's only a word.

info you have every right to be upset..even if there was no medical pre-condition...but after a brain injury his manner and temperament will change..afraid it is something you have to expect and just live may be useful if he and you attended some kind of aftercare group for head injuries where he may listen to a health expert and realize he has changed himself ! your hospital will be able to advise you about any groups..good luck you have my sympathies x
ummmm - " would hate living in my house...."

If people eff and jeff routinely, then yes I would!

My children have been brought up to speak nicely to everyone, and that we don't use ugly langauge to each other.

Don't get me wrong, we had our ding-dongs, but harsh langauge was never used, and still isn't. The present Mrs Hughes and I had a particuarly strong echange of views last night, but no swearing, and only slightly raised voices.

I don't condone what he said at all.

However, think of it as him swearing at the satnav, not you.

You should hear how I speak to mine!

(satnav, not 'er indoors)
Question Author
I agree that by itself this incident was probably no big deal, it is the constant drip, drip. I guess I was just after a bit if support - thank you to those who gave it.
you are not being unreasonable at all.if it happens again throw his phone out the window.when he hits the roof tell him its a perfectly normal response,
tell him Mrs Sin said so.

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