Fao China Doll

[sherrardk]

Hello, might have the wrong end of the stick but do you work with children who need help with various issues? if so, could i pick your brains for a minute? Sorry if I am muddled up.

[China Doll]

Erm yes...kind of... I'm an administator for child safeguarding primarily but I also manage a general clinic for my (paediatric) consultant. How can I help? (If I can).

[sherrardk]

Sorry for asking. My 9 year old has always been a terrible worrier but now he has started said playing some OCD-like traits. Excessive hand washing, making them sore. He has switched to wipes but opens the bin with his elbow, has to have his bed just so, being sorry for things that happened two or three years ago (that weren't problems in the first place or not of his making), has to have a blanket on his shoulders in a certain way to play the Xbox (makes him play better), etc. He knows he is being a goose and knows I want him to see someone to give him some coping mechanisms (it's affecting his sleep now). School can't help so I was going to go to the GP, should I be approaching this differently is there some place (Internet, support group, etc) that can equip me with the skills to help him (so minimising his anxiety levels about going to see outsiders about it)? Sorry for rambling, hope you get the gist of this, x

[China Doll]

What borough do you live in please?

[sherrardk]

I live in Hereford (it's a tiny bit behind the times here).

[China Doll]

OK.... well I'm not clinical or indeed a mother so take any advice I give with a pinch of salt.

Firstly I would say is there any way his behaviours are learnt? (Do you do any of these without thinking when you're anxious?) Is it possible he's picking up on stress or worry in home? Is it possible that this is his way of getting undivided attention? (NOT the same as being attention seeking) And is there any way he's picking up on your anxieties about him? Any of these things can cause children to be anxious. Am sure you know all that already in any case with your teaching background, (it's just worth bearing in mind).

Being a bit funny about dirt or wanting a blanket just so is not necessarily so bad, might just be a comfort thing and I guess it has to go in to context of how he behaves in general, (I was (and still am) horrified at dirt on me and I carried a blanket around with me to about age of 9 for comfort).

I've just checked and there should be a CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service) in your borough (actually I think every borough has one but some are more difficult to find info on than others!) Now just about every CAMHS I'm aware of has some variation on how you can refer to them but I believe that GP's are able to make referrals so it may be worth speaking with GP. Is there a way you can discuss on the phone prior to making an appointment with them to get their take on what the best way forwards is? I'm more thinking about not adding to his anxiety by taking him to GP if GP can tell you on the phone that they can't refer to CAMHS (am pretty sure they should be able to though).

I'm not too sure of online forums or places for children to go to get further information but I imagine a CAMHS team would definitely know. I did find this leaflet online which I think is interesting, well the bit about school age children, so perhaps you will find some parts helpful too http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/content/assets/PDF/publications/anxious_child.pdf

Anyway, not sure if any of this even remotely helpful as it's not exactly my specialist area but hopefully something in my answer might give you an avenue to search.

[missnemesis]

Sorry to but in Sherrard and ChinaDoll but this is a really good site that could maybe help put your mind at ease or at least help in someway Sherrard.

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/

[sherrardk]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I will read the leaflet tomorrow when I am more receptitve to taking it all in. I will have a good think about our behaviours but I am pretty sure nothing has changed in the house (I am organised but laid back - sounds contradictory but it works). Maybe I credit them with more mature skills than they actually have but they are clever kids (one isn't, she is a 'free spirit') and I don't think we should talk down to them. A child in his class has left and whilst he hardly mentioned him prior to leaving, in the week he went the boy seemed to take on a big significance - lots of children leave as the school has lots of army kids in it. Maybe he has just become aware that important people leave our life. Anyway, thanks again for taking the time and trouble to answer and to post the link, x

[DJHawkes]

how much time does he spend on his xbox?

[sherrardk]

Missnemesis, thank you. I didn't mean to exclude anyone (have posted in b & s too). I will read it tomorrow when I can take it in (why am I so rubbish at searching the net, because I did look). x

[sherrardk]

DJ Hawkes, not much, but it has to be done a certain way.

[China Doll]

He could just be really sensitive. Some children are and they have a slightly different perspective... the only advice I'd actually give which is my own opinion is to really, really make sure that your anxieties are not impacting on him, children pick up on so much more than we give them credit for sometimes but they don't have oiur language to express it. I'm sure all will be fine in the end :c)

[DJHawkes]

maybe he's becoming rather obsessed with routine not just cleanliness. Could it be from his game playing somehow?

[DaisyNonna]

CAMHS tends to diagnose and then thinks its job is done.

[missnemesis]

You'll find lots of advice and info on there Sherrardk. Please do give it a look when you're feeling up to it :)

[sherrardk]

Thanks for all the input. I will read the leaflets and links tomorrow. Bit tired tonight as thing 1 was not herself last night or the night before (when she was sick all over me and the bed and managed to miss himself) so I am a bit tired (god, how does anyone cope with a new born?)

Bit disappointed with you DJ Hawkes, seem this snidey side alluded to and now I see it for myself.

[China Doll]

CAMHS tends to diagnose and then thinks its job is done.

Not all of them :c) (But yes, some do!)

[sherrardk]

I have a friend who uses the local CAHMS for h son and thinks they are fab (they have been mega supportive). If it gets that far, I will see how it goes. Horses for courses and all that.

[missnemesis]

Ahhh the trials and tribulations of motherhood. Hope the little one feels better soon and that you get a decent night's sleep tonight :)

[DJHawkes]

what? where the heck did that come from? you've seen no snidey side at all except in your misunderstanding, i'll let you off for that but you're bang out of order thinking it. forget i even had any empathy with your situation that so cloely reflected one my own son had many years ago, i'll not be botehring to offer support again.

[sherrardk]

Missnemesis, usually it's cool but sometimes all their needs collide and it's a bit suffocating and panicky trying to sort it all out.