Medicinal Leeches...

[sandyRoe]

While at my ablutions today I opened the bathroom cabinet for a fresh bar of soap, turned to leave it by the bath, and on turning back saw stars. I'd forgotten to close the cabinet door and now feel there's black eye on the way. Would the use of a medicinal leech avert this and where might I get one?

[jno]

perhapas the governmetn should supply leeches; I'm sure they have plenty to spare.

[sandyRoe]

I, and I'm sure many others, would be reluctant to use a government leech. There'd be no way of knowing were it had been.

[humbersloop]

soap is the devil's work

ask any toddler

[solvitquick]

Absolutions! - serves you right - stay out of church!
Anti-bruise treatments are rubbish, They all contain enzymes (if that) which cannot penetrate the skin. Leeches might bore a hole in your eye and would not effect the bruise anyway:). If you've bought the steak, cook and eat it.
Let gravity do it's work. Extracellular fluids obey gravity, so the degraded haemoglobin pigments will slowly diffuse outwards and sink down. They are also enzymically degraded from blue through brown to yellow and then colourless.
Any primary red swelliing if just inflammation (invasion of immune cells to clear up dead cells and rebuild the old).
SIQ.

[sandyRoe]

It was fairly sunny today so I could wear my sunglasses. I suppose the livid bruise will soon go.

[humbersloop]

and you can keep your hat on sandy...

..cue, Tom Jones

[solvitquick]

No wonder kids hate soap!
When I was about 4 y.o.a., under instructions from gran, my mam used to squeeze a piece of soap up baby brother's @rse allegedly to cure constipation.
Do not try this as self-medication at home ....well I suppose you could try but let us know the results for a laugh.
SIQ.

[sandyRoe]

My readers will remember that I mentioned that in my minds eye I looked something like him and was brought down to earth with a bump when some students loudly whispered, 'Freddy Kruger', as I passed in the street.
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRT7MUxd0rC4AhrkRthPu_FwyFsvGFy49fPZ-ymtGdmn7grJ8vy

[sandyRoe]

But, wouldn't that produce bubbly flatulence? ^

[solvitquick]

Yup sandy, maybe. I never watched the aftershocks.
You try it maybe - it'll take your mind far away from Humphrey Bogart in the African Queen.
SIQ.

[anneasquith]

sandy,, I se you remark your bruise is livid, such a pity, my many unexplained bruises appear quite happy :)

[sandyRoe]

I can understand a caring parent wishing to fill their child's soul with hope, but this other business seems to be from deep in the realms of groundless superstition.

[solvitquick]

Dear Sandy,
Sorry for the delay but bowels are not my favourite subject (yea I "raised" them). Yup groundless superstition or old-wives-tale.
Dunno if the slice of Lifebouy soap worked on brother's constipation. They must have had faith as mam carried him, like a sub-machine-gun, to gran's outside toilet.
Very primitive knowledge of anatomy in those days. Mam always warned me if I swallowed chewing-gum it would wrap itself around my heart-strings whatever they were.
ANYWAY, doubt if you've got a real black-eye now - it takes a lot of veinous blood to cause one. All better now I hope.
Kindest Regards,
SIQ.

[sandyRoe]

I think we all know that eating apples carried its own peculiar perils. If you accidentally swallowed a pip it would grow and choke the life out of you.

[dunya-anneli]

soap as a suppository is safe (if you use unscented soap e.g simple) and very effective - we've used it in our family for years

[sandyRoe]

I suppose if you need a suppository soap is as good as any.