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Funny Metaphors And Sayings.

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Theland | 20:22 Tue 17th Mar 2020 | Arts & Literature
28 Answers
As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike.

You got any to make us smile?

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As much use as a chocolate teapot.
As much use as a glass eye at a keyhole.
Bounce back more times than a cartoon cat with nine lives.
As much use as a chocolate fireguard...
More mouth than a cow has udders.
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As thick as a canteen cup.

As much use as a back pocket in a waistcoat.
Not playing with a full deck.
All hat and no cattle (a Texan one)

Like a fart in a space-suit (or diving suit or submarine)
My favourites:

Better than a poke in the eye with a plastic daffodil.

Couldn’t organise a pillow fight in a dormitory.

About as much use as a handbrake on a canoe.

About as much use as a cat flap on a submarine.

About as much use as Ann Frank’s drum kit.

You’ve got more chance of seeing Lord Lucan riding Shergar in the 3.20 at Atlantis.

I’m here all week......
Oh and:

He/she is as thick as a workhouse buttie.

Couldn’t find his arris with both hands.

About as easy as juggling soot.
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Makes the village idiot look clever.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?











I'll tell you next week!
Here's a new one:

Loo roll - as rare as hens teeth!
As weird as a bottle of chips.
As tight as a camel's *** in a sandstorm

I do know another one for as tight as but it's not suitable for a family forum ;-)
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As loud as an angry ABer.
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As fast as shirt off a shovel.

As tight as a ducks asre.

Does a fish have a watertight heid?
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As happy as a pig in shirt.

Fast as shirt through a duck.
A Cornish one that isn't as crude as it first looks, "Thasit me lover, geddon me cock!"

Then there is "Wasson shag?"

Or "I'm rufazrats"

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