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Woodsz
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her He looked at her for a while, then said, "You're an alphabet wife ..... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." She asks ......
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Woodsz
An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion. The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra Virgin olive oil, then we made...
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Woodsz
Of course I love ya darlin You're a bloody top-notch bird And when I say you're gorgeous I mean every single word So ya bum is on the big side I don't mind a bit of flab It means that when I'm ready...
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Woodsz
She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper...
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Woodsz
A woman wakes up after a vaginal tuck, to find three bunches of flowers on her window sill.. One from her surgeon, to say all went well, One from her husband, "get well soon", and he loved her, One...
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Woodsz
The woman asked the pharmacist, "Do you have Viagra?" "Yes," he answered. She asked, "Does it work?" "Yes," he answered. She said, "Can you get it over the counter?" "I can, if I take two," he...
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Woodsz
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns were swimming around in the sea, one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and...
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Woodsz
The children and grand children of an elderly Jewish woman decided to send grandma on a cruise. Grandma boarded the ship and showed her ticket to the purser. He looked at it and said, "Oh, I see you...
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Woodsz
•If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! •Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same...
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Woodsz
I'm dreaming of a White Christmas And when its all the whites gone I'm going to drink the red...
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Woodsz
The Nun Flags down a cab She gets into the cab, and notices that the driver is VERY handsome Cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask...
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Woodsz
It is better to say "I'm fine" with a grin, Than to let people know the shape we are in. I'M FINE!! HOW ARE YOU? There's nothing the matter with me, I'm just as healthy as can be, I have arthritis in...
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Woodsz
As I Mature I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just...
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Woodsz
As we SilverSurfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers. I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him...
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Woodsz
Job Interview: Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?" Old Man : "Honesty." Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness." Old Man : "I don't really give a f***...
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Woodsz
A man is walking behind his wife and says,"Baby, your arse is getting so fat, it's looking like a washing machine." The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking. Bedtime comes around, the man is asking for...
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Woodsz
WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE Barbara Walters, of 20/20 , did a story on gender roles in Kabul , Afghanistan , several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces...
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Woodsz
When you have anday, [Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days] Try this out: Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson &...
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Woodsz
The General Manager of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his Secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from...
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Woodsz
Drover: "Give me three packets of condoms, please." Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?" Drover: "Nah.... She ain't that ugly."...

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