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Tim and Janice met on a singles cruise and Tim fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in neighbouring towns only a few miles apart Tim was ecstatic. He immediately started...
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An elderly farmer was in the Emergency Ward having stitches put in his hand, due to an accident with a piece of machinery. The doctor carrying out the procedure struck up a conversation with the old...
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The new family in the neighbourhood overslept and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work himself, had to drive her. Since he did not know the way, he said...
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A carpenter must have been here. I saw dust. The proctologist quit his job because it gave him tunnel vision. When a snail loses its shell it looks sluggish. The boy's guitar teacher helped him pluck...
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One afternoon, this man drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake, a man dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures for him to...
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Sqad wanted to get off work and go golfing, so he approached his assistant. “Ralph, I am going golfing tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take...
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Johnny's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So, it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Johnny handed in a poor paper. "This is the...
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Four men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, one of them died. The other three decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The first man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his...
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A country club didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week. The ladies were satisfied with this...
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My mate said I did the best impression of a leaf he'd ever seen. I was blown away. I've invented a more efficient whisk it’s causing quite a stir. When Sigmund's mirror broke, Jung took pleasure in...
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The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then, but his passion was for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to...
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Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of practical joke was played upon them. Now ready to be married himself, he was dreading the payback he...
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Finally my coffee has arrived, despite not being what I ordered. Still... better latte than never. Mon, Tues, Wednes, Thurs, Fri, Satur, Sun. I'm taking the day off. Apple is bringing out a new phone...
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I was walking past my local Asda and I saw a sign on one of the doors saying, "Exit Only." I pushed it, went in and walked up to customer services. "You've seriously underestimated that door's use." I...
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Three Jewish mothers are sitting on a bench in Brent Cross shopping centre talking about (what else?) how much their sons love them. Sadie says "You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living...
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This made me smile.
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McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini. Each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman...
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"So," Jane asked the private detective she had hired. "Did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile...
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A traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends early one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and Fix dinner for my husband! He's going to be really upset if it's...
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I despise bears so imagine my horror when out camping in the wilds, I ran into one. Knowing it was me or him; I didn't give him time to think and blasted him three times in the head with my hunting...
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