Aytee
My wife and I went on a country walk today and we thought at the end we would drive to a village a few miles away to have a pub lunch. It was over 10 miles before we FOUND a pub and that was in a...
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Aytee
Monkey in the jungle holding a banana. He calls out "Anyone got a tin opener?" Parrot says "You don't need a tin opener for a banana" Monkey says "No it's for the...
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Aytee
I went to a Braille opticians today. Difference is that instead of reading letters there are a lot of raised dots on the wall that get smaller. Anyway I could not make out the bottom lines. The...
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Aytee
I was watching Jurassic park the other day, when I thought, "Not only does my son have a stupid name, but he's also a rubbish driver". If there was a competition for saggy boobs, my wife...
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Aytee
Lord Ponsenby Smyth is in the bath and calls for his butler Waddle. “I say Waddle, could you fetch me a whisky and a newspaper please, there’s a good chappie”. Waddle says certainly...
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Aytee
Two guys are chatting.
One says "Who do you work for?"
The other says "I work for Jesus"
"What, the Lord Jesus?"
No - Dairylea Cheeses...
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Aytee
A lady is passing a building when she sees a sign saying "Ladies, climb the ladder to success" Curious, she goes inside and sees a ladder. She climbs up the ladder to the next floor and sees...
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Aytee
Maggie O' Reilly goes to the doctors and she said "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictive pill"
He said "You're ignorant"
She said "Yes three months"...
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Aytee
Crossword clue - seven letters contains 3 "U"s
I thought "That's unusual"...
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Aytee
After getting caught breaking into a Spanish farm, I was held at gun point and told if i want to live i have two choices. "Either you make love to one of my cows or my brother makes love to...
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Aytee
I was in the shop today, and there was a little boy crying because he wanted some chocolate buttons. "I haven't got enough money," his mother said to him. "I've got some spare change on...
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Aytee
Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law. It's my P.S. de resistance. I saw a busker with no arms today singing so badly I offered him a fiver to stop. But...
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Aytee
"Wolfgang Mozart" shouted Mozart's friend
"What?" said Mozart
And they were eaten by a gang of wolves...
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Aytee
Despite putting cloths, paper etc down whilst decorating, I tripped up spilling some gloss paint on the carpet. Got most of it up with washing up liquid but there is a slight white stain. Any ideas...
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Aytee
I have got far too many CDs (according to my wife!) I understand that there are music servers on which can you can put CDs in and it will store the music. Anyone got one and are they any good? Also...
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Aytee
I have been watching Gordon Ramsey's programmes over the last few days. I would like to try some of his recipes but a lot have fish sauce in. As I have a fish allergy I would like to know if there are...
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Aytee
Just been told by the doctor that I have knee tendonitis and that I could be off for 6 weeks with it. Anyone else had it? I think it was caused by heavy lifting.
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Aytee
I am trying to find the name of a piece of classical music. I believe it is a waltz and the only lead I can give is that the first few notes are very similar to the start of the theme of Fawlty...
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Aytee
What are your top 5 albums and top 5 singles of all time?
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Aytee
I have been in steady employment since 1982 but that may possibly change. I feel very insecure about the future and feel that I have nothing to offer in today's world. Has anyone else been in this...
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