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I've Just Seen

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marval | 17:48 Mon 27th Apr 2015 | Jokes
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I've just seen a flock of pigeons in army uniforms. I fear a military coo.

I keep having an hallucination where I'm in a descending lift with a strange object. I think I'm coming down with something.

A man runs into a bank waving a tree branch above his head.
"This is a stick up!" he yells.

Two archaeologists were at an ice age excavation, when all of a sudden they unearthed an enormous find that was going to take months to clean, dig out safely and protect.
They had a mammoth tusk ahead of them.

Spent the morning painting my nails. Now my hammer is jealous.

I tried to invent a new type of container which would rival the bucket.
It turned out to be a pail imitation

Had an argument over shared office stationery, a bloke snapped my ruler.
I don't believe in half measures so I gave him a whole punch.

I've almost finished my fish-skin boots.
All I need now is a sole and eel.

I know a guy who walks around dressed in a brown rubber suit.
He's a real live wire

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all very good
Tim Vine has a lot to answer for:-)

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