I Really Hate Myself At Times

[nailit]

Ended up not attending my foodbank voluntary work today.
Got up, had a bath, had a cuppa and then started freaking out (panic attack??) at the thought of going. Had to text them with some excuse (couldn't even bare the thought of talking).
I got so stressed out I bought a pack of fags, I havnt smoked for 2 years.
Sick of being me.

[Patsy33]

It's ok nailit, you won't be the first or last to do this. Are you planning to go again?

[nailit]

//I used to work in mental health, it's rubbish.//
Thats good to hear from someone whos actually worked in it ummmm.
4 years ago I pleaded with mental health professionals (I now use that word loosly) to help me as I was suicidal. They didn't. It was only when the police picked me up from the platform of a railway station that I was going to throw myself off and under a train that they decided to take any notice.

[jennyjoan]

think we all have social anxiety at some point. I too love my bedroom with the black blackout blind and some days loathe going into the bright bathroom. nailit don't beat yourself up that much that you want to lock yourself up for the rest of your life.

you do appear very articulate on AB so try and gain confidence in yourself. the people you work with on foodbank probably have similar anxieties as yourself - so get right back there.

[nailit]

Sorry, I cant keep up with everyone who replied, as I said I'm half cut at mo, just want to say thank you all, appreciate it very much.

[jourdain2]

As others have said, nailit, ring them up and explain what happened. Ask if it will be OK for you just to go in - but leave whenever you feel the need. You may only just get through the door and say hello - then goodbye. I'll guarantee that this will be OK and they will understand. As long as you can feel that you have an agreed escape-route it should minimise the panic. I'm sure that eventually you will be able to stretch the time ..... slowly, slowly catchee monkey (in the words of the old saying).

Most sensitive people 'really hate' themselves at times. I'm no exception and have to take a deep breath before going into strange situations. Ditch the fags and don't give up. :)

[Eleena]

Play some music and have some kip Nailit!

[Mamyalynne]

You've had the best advice and I can't improve on it Nailit, but can say - try again ,even if only to pop in and chat about your worries.

[nailit]

//Play some music and have some kip Nailit!//
Got this on at the mo, not exactly sleeping material ;-)

[Eleena]

Thin Lizzy do it better ;0)
Make sure you put your cigs out! Night.

[murraymints]

nailit my friend..but a blip....nowt more and the folks at the bank will understand if they are aware of your difficulties...now do NOT beat yourself up and spiral down....would it be possible for someone from the bank or anyone else for that matter to actually chum you down to the venue ? getting there is the issue once there you'll be fine....phone them and rearrange a date and try and find someone to go there with you..anyone on AB live in Stoke ??? anyone ?? wish I was closer ...now do not feel you have let anyone down..not even yourself..this is a false start no more..deep breaths ..lets go again xx

[marval]

Please don't hate yourself Nailit, there are many people in your situation. I am sure the people at the food bank would understand, if you wanted to try again.

[murraymints]

[murraymints]

^^^ for now...tomorrow is another day...xx

[nailit]

:-) ^^^^