Hello all
I personally do not want children and have luckily found a partner who does not either. Saying that he does have a child that I completely love and adore but do not wish to have my own and have always felt this way.
Part or our reasoning is we do not want to bring a child into this world as we
feel it is a much more dangerous and unfriendly world we live in now coupled with the environmental issues that our children will have to face later in life,
it just seems a very unfair thing to do to another human being!
Am I being over dramatic and it's not really as bad as all that but we have access to higher levels of news/information than before, mainly bad news with nothing to give us a sense of there being good things and people in this world?
Also we can not afford to have child of our own and I think it is just irresponsible to go ahead and have a child you can not afford as you cannot offer them everything they deserve.
Basically I'm asking does anyone else share these opinions or do you have
Another take on have children?
Hazel104 Thurs 28/08/08 14:27
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I would love children but alot off factors involved in wether I can have them with the man I love.
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There are still good things and good people in the world, and I think there always will be. But there's no way to deny that bad times are coming. I applaud your decision, Hazel. If only everybody in the world considered children in the same way...
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Question Author
That made me laugh Abdulmajid, it's that as well if I'm brutally honest! Do you find people don't believe when you say you do not want children - "you’ll change your mind one day they say" no, no I really will not!
Sorry to hear that 4getmenot, I do feel for you it must be heartbreaking for you both, but I can not relate to your need to have children I'm afraid.
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Question Author
Thank you Tom, it is a tough decision. I know it will be hard enough for the little one in my life already, I think that finally helped me decide once and for all.
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I'm 50/50 on it. My ex and I had talked about having them in a few years time but obviously he's now an ex. I liked the idea of having children with him.
However, I've never been in another relationship where I've considered it a valid option and I've certainly no burning desire for them at present.
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Question Author
True, and that is exactly how I feel about my partners son (9 as well).
I was going to ask if you would have anther child now,
but you answered that by offering your services to China Doll ;-)
I’m not denying the joy of children can bring to your life but a part of me believes we should be looking after the ones we have in the world already. I have thought about adoption/fostering, but as I say financially that is not an option at the moment.
So interesting.........
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I wouldn't be without my family, but everyone to their own choice! None to make you laugh! None to make you cry!
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I think that the decision you have made sounds right for you, although you appear to feel the need to justify that decision. You don’t really its personal choice and I admire your resolution to that choice.
One thing though, is that the world and its future has always been full of violence and impending doom. In fact, we currently live in an era that is the least violent in human history – if you can believe that! The world was always going to end, missile crisis, IRA and terrorism, nuclear/3rd world war etc. If your parents and mine had really thought about it in the same way, maybe we would never be here to have such a profound impact on those around us and Answerbank!
Also, you never know, your offspring could evolve to be that one person in the world who could solve global warming, find the cure for cancer or end world poverty, or just make someone else forever happy by just being them.
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well if you dont want children, then you dont want children, adopted or otherwise, its a lifestyle choice that a lot of women make.
personally if I didnt want children I would not be thinking about whether I could afford to have one or whether I should adopt.
I would not want to because I would have no desire to have a child, Im confused as to whether you do not want children(adopted or otherwise) or whether you cant afford to have children so therefore your delaying the decision?
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your not on your own i've never wanted kids. i had a partner who had a small child and i didn't like that either and was part of the reason we broke up (nothing wrong with the kid, i just don't want to be a parent). my current partner has two grown up kids, who i've never met and that seems to be working ok lol
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Question Author
Octavious
I think you have hit the nail on the head! I have made my decision and I am using AB as a way to justify (to myself primarily) and come to terms with my decision. I admit I am hitting 30 very soon so I am taking a good hard look at myself and my life!
However
Cazzz
I have no desire to HAVE children of my own of that I am certain. But I would not rule out adopting etc at a later stage in my life, a bit of a juxtapose but human emotions are never clear cut are they?
Ok so enough about me – I am genuinely interested in everyone else opinions on this.
Thank you all!
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Perhaps the one decision in life more important than the choice not to have a child is the choice to have one, a decision which puts directly in your hands the fate of no less than one other human being.
I chose early in life not to have children as the parenting skills of my parents were less than admirable, a wise choice as I have yet to acquired the necessary skills to do so adequately. I know this for a fact because I have inadvertently been allocated with the task of attempting to raise a child I would not wish on my worst enemy . . . my self! ;o)
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(Mibs, pop into the Sanctuary - sorry Hazel.)
Hazel, I understand completely the thought of not wanting to bring a child into this less than perfect world. I don't think you're being over-dramatic if that's how you feel. Also, you're clearly thinking responsibly by considering the financial implications of raising a child - something that many don't do.
It's true to say that what you never have, you never miss, so the only question you have to ask yourself is will you regret your decision in later life?
Incidentally, someone as thoughtful as you would probably make a great mum - but I'm not trying to influence you either way. I didn't really want children, but things don't always go to plan, and although I have no regrets, I do worry for the future.
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love for your children outweighs all the bad things in the world, and although they cost a lot, you gladly sacrifice things, so they can have things, but it isn't a sacrifice you resent, because the joy and knowledge that your children are happy and have as much as you can give outweighs what you dont have. Obviously if you feel you are currently too selfish to have children then the right solution would be not to have them. but in my personal experience, the selfishness dissapears when they are born. all you want to do is give. and they dont always have to have the latest gadgets etc, because the one on one quality time you spend together, is just as important. the thrill you get out of knowing you have taught them something is overwhelming! Of course the world out there isnt perfect, and isnt the nicest place to bring our children into, but if we all thought that, there wouldnt be a human race at all!
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I had always thought i would have children...you know grow up, love, marriage, kids. But as I approach 40 I am fairly certain none of that will happen. I have made a conscoius choice to not become pregnant up until now, as I never felt raising a child alone is an ideal situation. ( I see my sister do it and she has my help and it is rough. The father is gone in the wind) However, if by some immaculate conception, I found myself pregnant now I would most likely have the child. I do get pangs now and then, but I fill my mothering cravings with my niece, and godchildren and even my students.
The choice to be child-free should stop being condemed by others. I get tired of hearing people say things like- You can do whatever you want, since you have no responsibilities, or You must have a lot of disposable income since you have no children. I have plenty of responsibilities, they might be different than a parents', but that mortgage does not get paid by itself. Could you imagine saying something so rude to a stay-home mom? Imagine saying- Oh you don't work at all- or -Do you watch Tv all day?- They would be annoyed at comments like this and rightly so, but don't knock others choices either.
RANT OVER
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Forgive the spelling errors. I was getting more and more annoyed as I typed!!!
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Kat, why is not wanting children selfish? If children aren't conceived and born, then no one is harmed. I'd say it's far more selfish to want to bring children into this world if you can't care for them properly.
EngTeach, I agree. Each to his (or her) own.
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You can have a good trusting/rewarding relationship with any willing child down your street who knows you.
I ran errands for neighbours as a child. Because we were a big family we couldn't afford pets and I regularly cared for neighbours pets.
All children need to be needed and valued.....so if u haven't got ur own, borrow someone elses.
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Give me a puppy any day!!
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for 35+ career women with assets (frightening to most 'less-adequate' men) who r broody.
I suggest: a one night stand (preferably with younger man who just want to sow oats) and u have ur own babe with no further commitments.
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