Helping an alcoholic quit
my neighbour is an alcoholic and after his 2nd trip to hospital in 6 months last week he has decided to quit again. The first time he was put in the poison unit for 3 days before he managed to get out, which really put him off of hospitals but he did manage to stay dry for about a month afterwards. how can i help him not start again this time? I'm very confident that he will manage a month with no drink but i want to help him as best i can to give it up for good. does anyone have any tips or advice they can give?
cheers DM
DarkMajes71c Wed 23/04/08 13:49
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I have a family member who is an alcoholic. When the problem first arose, a doctor friend of ours who had worked in a rehab unit, said to us " I don't want to upset you , but the number of alcoholics I have seen sort themselves out I could count on the fingers of one hand."
Sadly, despite 10 to 15 years of family effort the family member despite spending nearly nine months in rehab has blown it again.
In the end, the only person who can do anything is the individual him or herself. The only thing you can do is encourage.
I saw a report by a lady recently who said that her son was an alcoholic and told her that whilst she kept bailing him out of all the trouble he got himself into, financial, accomodation, police etc, he never felt he need worry - she would sort it out. Be careful you don't get dragged into that position - you won't be helping your neighbour and certainly won't be helping yourself.
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I agree with what Androcles has said, the only person who can make this happen is the individual. They need to want it enough. Most will find any excuse they can come up with for justifying the need to drink again, such is the effect of addiction.
I admire your resolve for trying to help, but it is arduous and heart-breaking. You won’t be thanked and in all likelihood will not succeed and may end up feeling a failure yourself, wondering the ‘what ifs/if onlys’ etc.
My sister was an alcoholic for more than 15 years, she even had her children taken away. Nothing – even that – provided a stepping stone for recovery. If anything, it was another excuse to get blotto along the poor me lines. Sorry I lost my tolerance and sympathy many years ago, although my love and support remained.
It was only the day that she was told she had a month to live that her life turned around. Perhaps the dawning realisation that her eldest was only 12 and that she wouldn’t see her children mature, maybe just fear, I don’t know. But her life has transformed and she has been ‘dry’ for 4 years now and her children returned.
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I gave up the booze 7 years ago after a few false starts and although not in the same league I guess it's probably pretty similar problems.
The old addage about admitting you have a problem is very true and it sounds like he's done this.
The thing is you have to come to terms with the idea that you really have had your last drink. Not a few months, not a year or so when you "can handle it" - ever.
Then it's a question of managing the times you used to drink. Biggest problem is the friends you used to drink with. He may find he's giving them up too - that's hard.
Having someone who you can go and do something with and take your mind off it is really important. My wife never really drank, if she had I'd probably not have given up.
If you can let him call you when he want's a drink that'd be big thing - get him to put your number on his fridge or door or something so he has to walk past it to the off license.
It gets easier - but it never goes away - I can still walk down the booze aisle in Tesco and taste each bottle in my head
Good luck
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Do not let your neighbor's problem become your problem. It is his and only his. No one can make the decision to stop drinking and to stay sober except him. You can encourage him to make the step and support him once he has. That's all you can do. Be there if he is in need of a person to remind him why sober is better.
I got lucky and went into a detox shortly after I was told that I had about 3 mos left of drinking like I was before I'd be on a liver transplant list. Someone in the unit did a runner and I was offered the place if I wanted it - needless to say I took it. Getting sober was relatively simple; keeping sober once I got out was hellish. However, even though I had a few slips, I never accepted that a slip was the end of sobriety. I just sobered up and keep on trying. I took it a minute at a time if necessary and never looked ahead of that minute. I am happily sober now. My family supported me through the entire time, good and bad.
I really hope your neighbor can make the decision and gets the professional help to see it through. It is not wise to try it alone - medically it can be dangerous.
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I lived with an alcoholic and he tried all sorts of treatment - rehab, medication, therapy. None of this worked sadly because I don't think he actually wanted to give up. Believe me if he didn't get to rock bottom then he was pretty close!
I was told by his therapist that by trying too hard to help and constantly bailing him out of trouble, making sure he got to work etc. then I was effectively enabling his drinking and that I should stand back and let him take responsibility for his life. Support your friend by all means but androcles is right in saying that he needs to want to do it and needs to do it himself.
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DarkMajes71c... I suppose the obvious answer is Alcoholics Annonymous.
AA sometimes get a bad press on the internet but I personally know loads of people who have been sober for years through AA. Ive also been to the funeral of 3 close friends who have died through drink, non of whom would even entertain the notion of attending an AA meeting so maybe there IS something in it.
Having said that, I have to agree with all the excellent posts b4 mine
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Question Author
Thankyou very much to all of you for you answers. I will do my best to support him but wont let him use me as a crutch. It was quite nice last night as his father gave me a call and thanked me for the support i was giving his son :o) I dont think that he has got the message that he cant drink ever again just yet but he is definately a lot chirpyer since not having anything (that i know of) this week appart from the pills that the dr gave him.
many thanks again
DM
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