Me and my boyfriend have been going out for nearly 2 yrs and we have lived together almost a year. He is in the armed forces and has been told he is going to Iraq for 3 months in January. Its going to be strange, I'll miss him loads but I'll probably adapt to being by myself after a while and doing my own things without him. I'm dreading the day he has to go (I know I'll cry!) and I know I'll worry about him badly. Has anyone else been in this situation or have any advice on getting by while he's gone? I know I can write and speak to him but its not like having him here.
CAJ1 Thurs 21/08/08 16:56
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I know it's not quite the same thing but my son was sent to Afghanistan earlier this year.............
Before I address the final questions of your post, may an old hand give you the following points to consider ..........?
He has a job to do, for which he has been trained. He will be with a group of blokes he knows and trusts...............and he will be firmly convinced that nothing is going to happen to him. The thing most likely to play on his mind is you.
Your boyfriend will be fretting about how you are getting along: worrying that you may be moving your life on, without him. He will hate the thought that you are crying and that he cannot comfort you.
Your responsibilty, if you like, is to sound as happy as you can; to let him know how desperately you miss him, but be respectful of his job and his responsibilities. Men aren't too good at dealing with emotional conflicts, and he may get resentful if he thinks that every time the two of you talk, you moan about his job......
Concentrate on being upbeat and having 'daft' conversations; start to look at your day in a different way and store up snippets of silliness to make the two of you laugh.............it will also help you feel positive, strangely enough.
You may find that night-time is the worst. Find ways to make yourself as relaxed as possible at bed-time.........sleep deprivation will only make you feel worse. And the wee, dark small hours are the worst time to lie there thinking "What if...........?"
I finally unclenched my jaw the night I knew my boy had arrived home safe and sound. :o)
And, finally, absolutely refuse to entertain thoughts that anything bad will happen ! If you feel one of those thoughts creeping in, burst into song or start some furious hoovering............keep them at bay. They are no use to you or your fella. The eternity that is three months will soon pass ..................
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Hi there,
I've been in the situation you've described and I'm not going to lie - it's horrible. Having to say goodbye to him as often as I did (no more than any other services couple) broke me. I even cried when Rose said goodbye to Dr Who, that's what he did to me!
You have to focus on the coming back, that's one thing I learnt. At the end I started counting hours and they went quite quickly.
The other thing that helped me is the numbness. I had a guard that I would put up where feelings couldn't get me. It was horrible the first few weeks of the first couple of times, then it would only take a few days before the guard was up. Seriously, numbness.
Now I do sound like I was some awful mess, but I did get on with things, found myself saying yes to things that I wouldn't normally, just to have a bit of distraction. It's easy to become a hermit, so watch out for that.
You'll be ok, you really will. Write lots of letters (letters are nicer than eblueys, the handwriting appearing on their bed is a winner, apparently) say yes to your friends and count the days down.
Let me know if you want to chat while he's away. My reply hasn't detailed much of the feelings I felt, but if you don't want someone to moan to, let me know.
xxx
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Question Author
Not been on for 2 weeks, thanks for your answers. You are right, he is convinced nothing is going to happen to him and I don't want him to worry about me too so I'll be strong.
Thanks JamSam, I may well take you up on that offer to have a moan lol! xx
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Question Author
No but I can always set up an account
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It's up to you, but I'd rather give my name on here than my email address. Is that silly? At least on facebook i can decline unwanted offers!
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Question Author
That makes sense. I'll set up an account on facebook and let you know when its done. I think I gave my email address on here once and no one apart from the person it was for contacted me.
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