Is It Possible

[queenofmean]

To grieve for something that hasn't happened yet?

It all comes from a chat I had with my partners mum this morning and it hit home that I will have to move out at some point but the thought of leaving my dad breaks my heart

I can't stop crying and I don't know why I am. I've had a really good weekend and everything.

[DaisyNonna]

Of course it is possible queenie
You love your dad, you love your partner
Sit down with both and talk about how the future might pan out
not neccesarily either or

[queenofmean]

I'll try Daisy..I think why I haven't is I get so teary just thinking about it. I'm not good at showing my emotions, especially around those I love most. I hate shouting them how hurt I am. But I know it's for the best.

[DaisyNonna]

If you get teary you are showing your emotions
Why not ask David and William to help you
Both obviously love you

[Mamyalynne]

Agree with Daisy, it's quite natural when you have such a close bond - but try to remember that seeing you happy and settled will make your Dad a very proud man indeed.

[DaisyNonna]

Remember if you marry (or not) and have children that your father has yet another link to you

[queenofmean]

I'd love to Daisy I think I'm just too independently and caringly minded to do so. But I see where you and Mamya are coming from.

I've never told dad this Mamya - don't think I've told anyone. When I'm not with dad I worry. If he's late home and hasn't called I call the office. I worry so much about him. I was always a daddy's girl until I was about 16/17 and he got the job at the airport. He had - how I felt - little or no time for me because he always 'had work' he was home a lot with mum and I'd lash out so much. I've apologised about that and he knows how I felt and I can't put myself through that again.

I think my hormones are playing a small role here too which makes me feel ten times worse than I do.

[Mamyalynne]

I too was a Daddy's girl, sadly he died when I was in my twenties - hard though it is there's a natural progression to life.

Don't be too hard on yourself, we all handle things our own way.

Be as honest with those you love as possible and don't bottle things up.

[jennyjoan]

Queenie - hope you don't mind - how old is your dad.

[queenofmean]

I'm a terrible bottler Mamya - how did you guess! I'm also my own worst critic.

I'm so sorry you lost your dad at such a young age.

JJ I don't but he might...he's 64 and a half.

[DaisyNonna]

Loving people encompasses pain
Leaving them strips away the outer shield which means there is hurt
The plaster is love
Say I love you
Repeat
Make that person a part of your life regularly
Every day

[jennyjoan]

My dad died when I was in my twenties too. Queenie your dad would like you to go on with your life etc. And he is still quite young enough to meet somebody if he's that way inclined.

My mum who was so funny after my dad died told brother and I - "the lemonade man is coming round to you to ask permission to marry me. Brother said - Tell the lemonade man - "we will pay him to marry you".

[queenofmean]

He isn't sadly JJ plus I've made it clear from a young age I wouldn't tolerate another woman.

Thank you for the kind words Daisy

[Mamyalynne]

Well, he won't go looking for love if he knows you won't tolerate it.

[ummmm]

Which is wrong.

[Mamyalynne]

That's actually upset me reading that, thank heavens my Daughters don't think that way.

Sorry if that sounds harsh Queenie.

[jennyjoan]

Oh oh oh, sorry to hear that Queenie - your dad is still very young and perhaps maybe your intolerance of another woman in his life still resonates with him. But surely when you start up your own life - he will be "allowed" to meet another lady - even for companionship - if nothing else.

[jennyjoan]

My brother died at 75 years old and believe it or not - he had 2 women dangling on a string. (he was a true bachelor) but these 2 ladies thought he was the bees knees and thought that he was never unfaithful to them. Ah hahha - I could write a book about the ladies he went out with behind their backs and I had big rows with him knowing this - I didn't agree. So there episodes where I had to tee tee tee one woman and pretend everything was ok - and had to do the same with the last one - exact same. But you know what brother didn't give a figs. Cos the two were back with him within a short time. Unbelievable.

Sorry Queenie - you don't need this but if you are going to move into your pad with your partner - then you need to let dad know he has freedom to meet a nice lady.

[queenofmean]

I'm sorry if I have upset you Mamya that was never my intention.

Even if I came round to the idea - he isn't the sort of man that would go looking for a relationship. He's happy doing his own thing..always has.

Mum was I feel the only person he loved and wanted to be with. We did actually discuss it after mum passed and while I said I wouldn't or couldn't tolerate another woman - probably because I don't want another mum so to speak...and I wouldn't actively stop him - he said he didn't want to be with anyone else.

It may be wrong but me and my father are very alike - just like mum and I. I guess we both feel we can't see him with anyone else other than mum.

[Cloverjo]

QoM, I don't know all the details of this situation, but it seems it's time to live your own life and let your dad live his. Of course you miss your mum and it would be difficult to see him with another lady, but you and he both deserve to be happy.

[ummmm]

But you've already made it clear so even if he meets someone that'll be in his head!