Break Ups And Moving On - Mans Perspective

[blond_law]

I was with my ex for 2 years and i moved in with him after a year. Things changed when i moved in and i made the hard decision to leave. He changed a lot and i found myself turning into someone i wasn't. He would belittle me, do nothing round the house and because i moved into his house, i was constantly told it was his house and not mine. He would ask me to stay upstairs when his family came round and i found myself losing track of who i was. Leaving was hard because i loved him so much but i knew i wasn't happy. I recently found out that two months after we split he had a new GF and she has moved in. Is this a normal thing for men to do. How can you just cut off from the love you once had with someone and find someone so quickly. I just feel like i didn't matter to him and that horrible feeling of being replaced is tearing my heart out. He literally cut all ties with me and from the day i left, i have never heard from him apart from what other people have told me - him selling presents i bought him on ebay etc. Its so sad that it has come to this and seeing pics on social media of him with her is gut wrenching. Has anyone experienced anything similiar?

[andy-hughes]

I don't believe there is 'typical behaviour' from men or women in relationships.

It is clear that this man did not love or care for you in a way that you deserve.

On that basis, the loss of his love should not matter - but love is an emotion, and not privy to logical argument.

You feel your loss, but it will change in time. You know you did the right thing in leaving, so you must try to look forward not back.

Put your energies into your life, and what you are doing, not thinking about something you do not miss, and would not want again.

[ludwig]

He sounds like a sociopathic ar5eh0le. You made the right decision.

[saxy_jag]

Sounds like he didn't love you but just wanted you as some sort of possession to be wheeled out and shown off or put away at whim. He might have thought he loved you and then realised that living with someone you love is actually a bit different to what he thought it was. And it could be his behaviour since your split is him trying to deny to himself that he cares and/or that your leaving was no fault of his. It sounds to me as though he has some deep-seated issues in his past that make him this way.You will probably never know and there's very little you can do about it.

I know it's hard, but block his profile from your social media pages, delete his mobile number from your phone and his email address from your contacts list. Then get on with your life. Find a hobby or an interest that takes up plenty of your free time and in a few months' time you'll find yourself barely thinking about him.

[blond_law]

Thanks Andy. Thats the thing, i know i made the right decision and i know i am better off but the feeling of replacement and grief for the relationship is overwhelming at times. i cant even imagine dating let alone be in a new relationship and living together so soon with someone new. He's really made me feel like i didnt matter to him and thats so sad as he was everything to me. The new GF comments about how happy she is and how in love they are and it stings so much. I hate to think only i would be treated by him this way. A fool for love!

[ummmm]

It's rebound. Easiest way to get over someone is to replace them with someone new. It doesn't work long term though, it just causes more and more issues.

You're doing it the best way. Stay single until the love is gone and then you can enter into a new relationship with an adjusted mind and heart.

[andy-hughes]

It's interesting that you say you pine for 'the relationship' rather than the man you were in it with.

Yes, a relationship is wonderful, but it's not essential to happiness.

Happiness comes from self-belief and self-respect, and knowing that you don't need another person to provide them for you, because you have built them yourself.

That will be come clear some time down the line (yes time is a great healer, but no-one is quite sure how much time!)

when you do start to date and enjoy company again - but from a new position of security and confidence.

Keep looking forward, it will get better, and don't bother envying your ex's new partner - you know what's coming!

[Barsel]

Yes blond_law I've experienced something very similar. We are all different and some people get over things easier than others. Already you have had very good advice on here and there's not a lot I can add to it except to say it can take time, in my case a long long time but now I can honestly say I had a lucky escape. Try to think about all the bad things in that relationship, the way he treated you, and you will one day realise that you had a lucky escape also. x

[Sqad]

\\\\ Is this a normal thing for men to do. \\\

I don't know whether it is normal.......but it is not unusual....does that help?

\\\\How can you just cut off from the love you once had with someone and find someone so quickly.\\\

I assume you mean him? In which case, this again is not unusual behaviour for many of the male species.

If you mean YOU......then it is more difficult than with the male.

\\\\ Has anyone experienced anything similiar?\\\

Not me personally, but i am sure that it is a daily occurrence throughout the world.

[wired]

He appears to have a commitment problem, wants a girlfriend but nothing too serious. That's not your fault but you get to feel rejected and while you're feeling so hurt you can't appreciate how lucky you are. In the end he is the loser.

[beso]

Forget about this excuse for a man entirely and focus on your life.

[joeluke]

You left him, he found someone else, what's the problem?