Any Excuse

maggiebee | 13:13 Sun 19th Oct 2014 | Jokes

7 Answers

This joke by Smudge first had an airing in 2009. I love it so thought I'd repost. Thank you Smudge.

A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And she was somewhat upset.

'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

The husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute, can I at least tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

The husband began - 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments..

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the expensive designer jeans that you bought a couple years back, but don't wear because you say they not the "in" name this year.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued... 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said.
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“Please ........ do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”