Mad Over 50's Club now open

[Mamyalynne]

Her Ladyship may not be in attendance this evening, so I shall throw open the doors to members old and new for a night of chat and fun. As the weather has turned quite damp, a warmer feel to the buffet - along with the usual and welcome buffet essentials we have baguette pizzas with a choice of toppings and for the Football later, I have prepared mini steak and ale pies.

This week's tailcock is : Brolly.....a lovely slick and smooth brew guaranteed to keep the weather off your mind.

Please leave all dripping gamps,galoshes and gumboots in the vestibule so they can be hidden in the appropriate waterproof cranny by the Butler.

For the Rofl :

10 Dolly pegs
6 yards of washing line
a box of staples
Large bag of cotton wool balls.

So let's have fun.

[Lie-in King]

Good evening Matron & guests. For the rofl I can offer as prizes -

My favourite mug, minus the handle - meh...
A 3-legged clothes horse - meh...
Kettle with a broken strainer thingy - meh...

I shall begin serving tailcocks & generally butlering immediately.

[Jumbo747]

Good evening mamya, it's nice to be indoors on such a wet night. I will leave my dripping cloak in the vestibule for the Butler.

I could just murder a Brolly please..


For the rafl I offer:
A yeoman of the Guard (currently on BBC2)
A blackberry and apple crumble

[Zacs-Master]

Does it always smell like this in here? Like a strange pot pourri of linament, moth balls and cats pee?

[Jumbo747]

How rude, ZacsM............

[Zacs-Master]

I didn't say it was unpleasant. How presumptuous.

[Mamyalynne]

Zacs .....Liniment dear!!

[Lie-in King]

Good evening Miss Jumbo - a flagon of Brolly & your cloak has been hidden quite satisfactorily.

Good evening Mr Zacs-Master - a flagon of tailcock sir & no, you are the only person ever to have mentioned the smell. How odd.

[Zacs-Master]

No thanks mamya I'll stick to red wine.

[Mamyalynne]

Good evening everyone, so nice to be indoors, gladly our Ark is almost complete, we shall be taking bookings very soon.

[sunny-dave]

Good Evening Matron

If you could park the honda please Mr King - the croc is looking 'fresh' and I value my cycle-clips.

For the roflcc I offer

1 soggy pasty (vat free)
1 tube of immac (Mr Talbot left it in the gents I think)
2 tubes of grout - 'grey mould colour'
1 copy of "Enter the Dragon" - signed by a Mr Overall

Large Brolly please - does it count as part of my 'five a week' ?

[tonyav]

Good evening your matronship and buttles. Is there any where to put my souwester. For the ROFFE I have 8 used cotton buds, a almost empty can of Swarfega ask DT about it[i, and a Mario Lanza record ( 33 rpm ) only slightly scratched [i]by the cat]. A bucket of brolly for me if you please maj.
Your matronship, may I request that you spin me a disc later on your goodnight thread please, Aint Nothing But A House Party by the Show Stoppers. tia.

[DTCwordfan]

The poem to be reshaped on that remark, zac

Offerins:

One pair of bent hairpins
One broken padlock
One pair of Harry's boxers
One photo, cut off at the waist
One 12 inch condom marked small and one previous owner
One jacuzzi
One pool cue chalk
One Buck Pal letter of complaint marked "Cancelled"
One Castle letter marked "We need a stripper"

[Zacs-Master]

I do apologise, I've just realised that I had the vicars coat on. Must have mistakenly picked it up when we were both at the GUD clinic yesterday.

[Mamyalynne]

Oh my we shall need a bigger prize table, I love the smell of Swarfega, ooh and hairpins , always useful.


Tony request noted.

[Lie-in King]

Good evening Mr Dave - the only time you need fret about the croc is if you owe him money, sir. A bucket of Brolly for you & your transport is safely chained up in the garage behind an impenetrable security field.

Good evening to Mr tony & Mr DT - one "Best Bard In The World" flagon & one bucket.

[DTCwordfan]

This weeks ode-ish offering is non-Olympian, (thank God they say):


The August Castle Holiday

Inspiration from Larkin’ about himself.


Those long uneven Castle Jumbo visitor lines
Standing as petal patiently
As if they already were stretched prostrate outside
The Croc Moat or Llama Park,
The crowns of PolarBears, Alfies, and the sun
On moustached stokemaveric faces
Grinning as if it were all
An August Castle Holiday lark;
And the locked-down LieInKing closets, the beached
Established names of AB drinkers on the tailcock buckets,
The owdhamer backgammon chips and Lady A’s sovereigns,
And brightly-clothed Mad 50’s women at play
Called after the Lady Js and cross-dressing queens,
The Buttle shouts
For “tailcocks and coats” and Mamya’s opulent feast
FGT, NoM and Eccles recipes, wide open all evening;
Brolly cocks, baggy pizzas; Greggs steak and weak ale pies as well.
nb they are very mini but described as Castle standard
And outside the Castle, the sloopy countryside not caring
The place-names all hazed over by the boozed-up nutters and strays
JJ and BigJack wandering as if seadogg razed,
Zac too, reeking of cats pee and liniment, his balls already splayed
Giddy with DaisyNonna grass, and racoon infested poppy fields
Shadowing questionable Domesday Castle VodkaCoke lines
Under Alba’s restless silence;
Sqad at the ready, Ibuprofen, lingerie and gin
The differently-dressed nungate wrapped around excelsior, sitting on the bin
And QoM with her tiny room in a huge Lothian palace
The dust behind tony’s rusty limousines,
Big enough to take any swarfega-ed rear in Castle County.
Never such TTFN or Lottie virginal innocence,
Never before towie-d or ever since,
As changed itself not even to a HowardK past
Without a Flumpy word–the AB men
Mrs O instructed to leave the grounds tilly tidy,
The thousands of sibton-led poly-marriages
Lasting a little while longer:
Never such slinky virginal? innocence again
The men then to be kept by sunnydave in Murraymints’ concrete den

[Lie-in King]

Quite superb, Mr DT - an immediate refill, sir!

[Mamyalynne]

Marvellous DT and Alfie got a mention, sniff!

[DTCwordfan]

Thank you, my good Mr Buttle.....I was just a-studying Skibo Castle as to the setting of a bit of a novel today.....a fine buttle to the little man, Mr Car-needy you would have been.

[tonyav]

Excellent bard, Mr buttle please give that man a flagon if you please.