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A husband and wife are cooing over their new-born baby son.
'Just look at the size of his winkle,' the husband grins. 'It's
massive.' 'Yes dear,' his wife says. 'But at least he's got your ears.'...
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I farted on the bus and 4 people turned round.
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My brother took being sent to jail really badly. He refused all offers
of food and drink and spat and swore at anyone who went near him.
After that, we decided never to play Monopoly again....
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Do they have 18 half-lives?
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The Rubber T.Lee
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This is apparently a true story - but it could as easily be an urban myth: A temporary secretary was once employed to carry out the customary duties for the boss. The woman was not very experienced,...
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A Lankashmir Hotpot.
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Did you hear about the madman who went into a launderette, raped several women, and ran away again?
Headline in the newspaper next day:
Nut Screws Washers and Bolts....
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He laid awake at night wondering if there really is a doG.
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A tachyon walks into a bar.
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Put it in a wood pulp processing plant until you get Lou Rawls (...I think you can all work that one out!)
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Put it in a microwave until it's Bill Withers.
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You're pink, therefore you're ham.
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Because she was suffering from lambnesia.
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Make a plan.
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A 75 Year Old Lady rings her local NHS hospital and this conversation follows: 'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want...
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Moose Hunting...... Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call...
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Sam and Bessie are OAPs, and Sam has always wanted an expensive pair of alligator boots. Seeing them in a sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, "So, do you notice anything...
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Dieting is not a piece of cake When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it probably needs a little more time in the...
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Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? All that's left is debrie I was in my local shop earlier when suddenly this guy burst in and started shooting off rounds at the chocolate...
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