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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Old_Geezer
https://youtu.be/Ig3Rfz_mNk0?si=YdjqQfEVM5y9yac9   ...
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Rondy
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honour," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes,"... ...
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Chipchopper
The job on the farm didn't last long, the boss said that "sleeping on the job is unacceptable" so I took him to the tribunal, and said in my defence "well it was you who told me to count those... ...
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Rondy
Teacher said to Tommy "Have you got a brother ?"
He said "No miss but my sister has." ___ A prostitute says to Paddy: "Would you like to have sex?"
Paddy says: "Ok, but only of you do it like my wife... ...
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Chipchopper
I was invited to a fancy dress party the other day, and decided to go dressed as a screwdriver. It turned a few heads, I must say! 
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Rondy
I read in the newspaper a tip to use Vodka for cleaning around the house.
I must say it really works too, the more Vodka I drank the cleaner the house looked. ___ I was sitting on the toilet when the... ...
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Rondy
If I had 50p for every maths exam I've failed,
I'd have £3.74 now. ___ I can put up with most things from my work-mates; but stealing my digestives?
That just takes the biscuit. ___ I was in a lift when... ...
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Rondy
My son's swallowed some of our Scrabble tiles so now we're looking for an A & E.
___

I`ve been told I need to go to hospital for an operation on my knees,I dont know why I cant just walk in like... ...
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Rondy
I've been in bed for 20 minutes and l've just remembered, l only came upstairs for a pen. ___ Last night I had a terrible dream that I had to make a thousand pancakes.
I was tossing and turning all... ...
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Rondy
Paddy staggered home very late and very drunk. He took off his shoes to avoid waking the wife. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their bedroom, but misjudged the... ...
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Rondy
My neighbour does nothing but talk about growing tomatoes.
Think he’s suffering from the greenhouse effects.
___

I don't think dad would like yeast extract but ma might.

___

I called the Tax Office and... ...
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Rondy
Someone glued my pack of cards together...
I'm finding it hard to deal with. ___ IF you close your eyes and rub a kiwi fruit in one hand and rub one of your testicles with the other, it's difficult... ...
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Chipchopper
I was chatting to my neighbour over the fence yesterday and I asked him what date it was, he checked his watch and said "March 1st" So I strode round the garden and asked him again.
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Rondy
I think I might apply for the new series of Embarrassing Bodies...
One of my testicles is bigger than the other two! ___ Most of my relatives are Police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank... ...
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Chipchopper
A man walks into a bar and shouts, "give me a whiskey and make it a double"! The barman looks at the guy and says "I think you've had enough don't you, so why don't you just turn yourself around... ...
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Rondy
Boss (to the new employee): "We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?"
New employee: "Yes, sir."
Boss: Get out, We are also keen on truthfulness. There is... ...
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maggiebee
One day, a young girl is walking through a park when she hears a faint, “Help me, help me.” She looks around and follows the quiet voice to a bush near the path. Looking under the bush she spies a... ...

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