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Boss: “Do you believe in life after death?” Employee: “Certainly not. There’s no proof of it!” Boss: “Well there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle’s funeral he...
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A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You bastards...
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500 years ago in an ancient pub two of the worlds greatest poets sat, ROBERT BURNS and WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. they were to have a contest to find out which one is better at telling stories. They were to...
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A drunken man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of...
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Amy, a city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, before he goes out to the fields, the farmer says to her, "The artificial insemination man is coming to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a big...
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Dave arrives home early from work and found his best mate Tony in bed with his wife. In a fit of rage, he dragged Tony down to his garden shed, put his knob in the vice and removed the handle after...
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.... to which the teller replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up, damn it! I said I want to open a f***ing bank account, right now!" "Sir, I'm sorry, but we don't tolerate that kind...
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Sex in a boat - oar-gasms. Sex with a nerd - dork-gasms. Sex at the entrance to your house - door-gasms. Sex on carpet or linoleum - floor-gasms. Sex at the supermarket - store-gasms. Sex at a Steven...
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What do a clitoris, an anniversary and the toilet all have in common?
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Men usually miss all three!
I'll get my coat!...
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Teacher asks the kids what they would like to be when they grow up.... "Little Harry: "I want to be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take my best bird with me, give her a Ferrari...
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A woman was standing on top of a cliff and just as she was about to commit suicide by jumping off, a tramp walked past and said "as you're about to commit suicide, do you mind if we have sex first"...
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The Bugle is a news satire podcast featuring Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver. Andy has a habit of "pun runs", someone on the internet has put them together for some dark purpose:
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An exhausted looking blonde dragged herself into the doctor's office. "Doctor there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night and I can't get a wink of sleep." "I have good...
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Why are married women heavier than single women? .......................... When single women come home they go to see what's in the fridge then go to bed. A married woman comes home, see what's in...
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A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?' Maria: 'Well, Señora,...
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My mate Dave died at his job in the bookies, all the filing cabinets fell on top of him in the store room the coroner said the odds were stacked against him
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Two men on a building site are arguing about who’s the strongest. One says to the other, ‘I bet you a week’s wages I can haul a load in this wheelbarrow that you’d never be able to lift off...
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A female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give a man a shot of Novocain . "No way! No needles. I hate needles" the patient said... The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man...
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Old Kenny was killed at work last week. He worked as a Fork Lift Truck driver at the local Chocolate Factory for the past 17 years and was a much loved and well-respected employee. Carrying out his...
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A group of Bayern Munich fans have been spotted going into Wembley tonight.
We think they've gone to put towels down on their seats in time for the final....
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