how can anyone give up a child for adoption ? i was given up by my birth mother at 6 days yet a year and a day later she gives birth to my sister and keeps her, is life a bitch or what!!
yobanfa Wed 23/07/08 16:41
To subscribe to this question you need to
sign in to the AnswerBank or register
if you are not already a member. All you need is a valid email address to register.
|
|
How old are you yobanfa? You sound very young, or reasonably niave.
How do you know that her circumstance were perfect when she had you? She might have had a husband as a wife beater and thought that it would be safer for you to be in care. Maybe she didn't have any money. Maybe her partner or your father made her give you up.
There are so many reasons that you logically or rationally haven't thought of.
|
|
|
As ChocolatChip says, your mothers circumstances may well have changed in that year, or it could be that she so regretted giving you up for adoption that she was determined to keep her next child.
|
|
|
Hey - a bit of sensitivety here.
I would feel the same way BUT the only person who can answer is your Mum -dont do a Jeremy Kyle stlye thing but I agree -circumstances were at the forefront but if I were you I would wonder why i wanst the chosen one -and crucially why didnt ny of your family look after you?
Good Luck hun and have a happy life xxx.
|
|
|
It's also very common for women to have a baby very soon after having a termination or giving a child up for adoption, subconciously filling the void I suppose.
|
|
|
I hope I can put this into perspective for you yobanfa.
I was adopted when I was 6 weeks old(in 1947) but my biological Mother kept my half brother who is 9 months older than me.
Although I have met them both I don't keep in contact.
However,I did find out that she was very young when she had two babies in short sucession,and was not married to either of the Fathers(nor likely to be).Very strong family pressures were bought to bear to MAKE her give up BOTH babies,but she stood her ground and at least kept one(my half brother).I am not bitter about this.I realise that she bowed to her Grandfathers orders and had me adopted.It cannot have been easy to keep even one child,especially as in 1947 there was still a big stigma about having children out of wedlock.
I say all this so you may realise that you don't know just what your Mother went through(or how she felt) after you were born.
I get the feeling(maybe wrongly) that you didn't have a great time with your adoptive parents?
Please don't be quick to judge your Mother,we all make mistakes;and I am SURE there is not a day she does not wish she had been able to keep you.
|
|
|
IAP -what a constructive and personal response -i hope she gets some comfort from that -it wouldnty have appeared to have affected you hun -or did it??
|
|
|
I've worked in the area of adoption tracing,and,have seen first hand that there are many reasons and heartbreaking stories for everyone involved in each adoption. No one is ever to blame.
|
|
|
I share your sentiments, noknowledge. I cannot imagine...
|
|
|
i also work with children in casre nd who are adopted. the circumstances for parents who give children up for adoption are usually very tragic and no an easy decision for any person. it is something they live with for the rest of their lives. unfortunatly society is very quick to judge other people
|
|
|
Not been in that position then!!
I always say -walk a mile in my shoes then judge -good ethos !
|
|
|
Pink and Dris..great posts xx..i used to have that on my wall btw.."walk a mile in my shoes"
|
|
|
As hard as it may be i believe the only way you can be happy and have peace is if you can find it within yourself to forgive your birth mother for giving you up. it may be that you need to find her to get some answers. I would imagine it is likely that she did it because she loved you so much and is waiting for the day you come and find her, good luck x
|
|
|
Dris,
Sorry I have only just seen your question.
No it didn't affect me at all(as far as I can see),I only discovered(by mistake) that I WAS adopted when I was 13.
|
|
|
Question Author
thank you all, for all your repiles, to update you all, i have traced my birth family and have met them all a few years ago now, i now have ended a chapter in my life that has been open for so long, im glad my birth mother did give me up but i will never forgive her for doing it, i know no history about my birth family which is a pain when you go to the docters and they ask "does so and so run in your family?" and i have so say i know nothing about my familys medical history. i just wanted to know how other people have got on with their lives after they had been given up.
|
|
|
yobanfa - you sound like a spoiled, angry brat. you should be grateful your mother did not abort you. at least she did not left you on someone's doorstep or in the rubbish, and she give you to someone who took care of you.
|
|
|
cove,
That was unecessary!
When you find you are adopted,as yobanfa and I were,then you can judge us.
yobanfa,
When you say "got on with their lives after they have been given up".
I never knew till I was 13 that I WAS adopted,and only found out then by mistake.It didn't really worry me,I just regarded it as a piece of paper;my Mother(Adopted) was my Mother and I didn't really think of my biological Mother at all.
I met her(and my half brother) when I was 30,but contact(for various reasons on both sides) faded away.I am glad I met them,but would be equally as happy if I had not.
And yes I too have the medical problem with the GP etc(at the moment why is my cholesterol high,and does it run in the family?)
People live with worse problems though,and I am just glad that my adopted Mother was so loving,sadly she died when I was 24.(and she was 63).
Nobody can know what it is like to be an adopted person, and it varies even within that scenario.
I hope you are happy with both families,
|
|
Remortgages | Vegas Hotel | Gossip | Credit Card | Credit Counseling
