hello all, Ive been living with this guy since febuary, hes 53 and im in my mid thirties, im eleven weeks pregnant and feel totally alone, as he says he dosent want too be a dad again. the only support he as given me was too take the day off work too take me too an abortion clinic but i changed my mind at the last minute at now want too keep the baby. he refuses too talk about it or the future, dont know what too do, last week i had some bleeding, i told him and he went back too bed and left me on the sofa crying my eyes out, he hasnt attended any of the scans. please help dont want too be a single mum.
minnie1974 Tue 13/05/08 15:17
To subscribe to this question you need to
sign in to the AnswerBank or register
if you are not already a member. All you need is a valid email address to register.
|
|
He sounds like a really nice guy. I'm sure he'll make a great father.
|
|
|
I agree. He's only after the sex and obviously doesn't care about you. Time to move on.
|
|
|
you can't make him change his mind, so you have to what is right for you.
|
|
|
Question Author
dont think its the sex, because we havent done it in five weeks, so i know he's not with me becos of that
|
|
|
not nice, tetjam. It sounds like you have some difficult decisions to make. Does he not want more children due to his age or that he already has some and feels like he is past all that? If these are the reasons, it sounds like you will have to decide on being a single parent with a dad who is really reluctant, which might be difficult for you and the child in the future. Do you really want all this heartache? Or, you could decide to completely go it alone, be independent and decide how you want your life to turn out instead of relying on someone else (i.e. a reluctant partner) to make decisions for you. Either way, you sound in a pretty crappy place and you need to start making steps to improving thingsquickly and making some major decisions. just never do anything in the hope you will change someone or they will 'come round'. it never works. decide what is good for you and go get it! good luck x
|
|
|
I really don't see what you find attractive about this horrible man. He doesn't even care that you were bleeding?!
|
|
|
he obviously cant care that much to leave you on the sofa crying,any loving man would comfort his woman when needed,you sound strong enough to do it on your own,im sure the baby doesnt need a father that didnt want it in the first place,whatever your decision,i really dont think you need this man,much better men out there who will look after you and your unborn child or child,best of luck
|
|
|
Tetjam - just what Chatterbank needs - a resident idiot. Welcome!!!
|
|
|
I think Tetjam was being sarcastic.
|
|
|
Question Author
he's says its is age and he dosent want too go through it all again as he as a grown up son from his marriage, he said he wont walk away so im hoping he'll come round too the idea although he's known for 6 weeks and is still reluctant too talk about it.
|
|
|
i suppose you have got to see his side as he doesnt really get a choice if you keep it as its your body,i understand where hes coming from but if you want this baby then thats not his final choice but his feeling should be considered too but he cant make you have an abortion thats not right,but i still think you would be better of on your own
|
|
|
squarebear - you know what they say, it is the lowest form of wit. This poor lady is obviously distressed and needs people to talk to and sound out her feelings, not be pilloried and take on board useless comments. I wouldn't mind tetjam so much, but most of what he/she posts is complete crap or designed to provoke response (i am aware that is what i am doing!). It gets harder to appreciate the few sensible ramblings produced when you have to wade through the other drivel.
|
|
|
Is your unborn child more important or this man, because I'm afraid that this is your choice here? You cannot wait and expect that he may change his mind, what if he doesn't? Do what is right for you. You can only depend on yourself at the moment. You have to live with the consequences. If you want a child, AND this man, do you never have children with him and spend the next 10 years hoping that he will one day say 'i want more children now'? I don't think it's a good idea to wait for that day.
|
|
|
I;m sorry but this bloke doesnt want children and you cant force him to want it. But he should also face consequences as I guess he didnt he anything
|
|
|
when my parents split i was once told, it is better to have 2 happy seperate parents than two miserable ones. do u think he will come round to the idea, cause if you dont i believe it will be better to walk away now so that when baby is born it will be in a routine from day one. i understand about the age thing but if he felt that strong about not having kids then he should have made sure he was protected.
|
|
|
just because you're not with him does not make you a single parent full stop. if you have this baby without him you are on your own right now, but there is nothing to say you wont meet somone who is happy with you having a child & it wont make a difference. you never know what will happen in the future
|
|
|
WOW, you have been living with this guy for all of three months, he obviously does not want any (more) children, I suppose that has probably come up in conversation at some point, now you are pregnant (accident or deliberate?) and you are surprised that he is not over the moon?
Also my husband was looking forward to our baby, and did not attend any scans until I was five or six months pregnant.
Quite honestly, I would not have either...
Not very exciting to see a funny shaped blob move around on a fuzzy screen.
That is part one!
Part two: You are bleeding, and he does not seem to care?
That would worry me way more than his obvious missing enthusiasm regarding the pregnancy.
And if he does not care about you that much, why would you want to stay with him?
If you want the baby, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
But the baby will be better off with a loving mother than a set of uncaring parents.
|
|
|
Agreed if you want this baby then you have it, it does sound like at some point this chap will either have to buck up or your out of there, what does your family think?, do you have any support around you?.
Whilst its not what you may want millions of women like you have coped and produced capable bright people, I know it must be scary but try and focus on keeping yourself healthy and strong, your having a baby!, thats new life.
I hope things improve minnie x x
|
|
|
I know this is a huge decision for you at the moment but if you want this baby, keep it. Don't let him force you into doing something that might cause you regrets later on. You are in your thirties, if you were to abort this baby, you never know if you'll have another. Children are a blessing.
All the best to you. xx
|
|
|
if he is 55 and did not want to be a dad again he should have had is self seen to !
then you knew where you stood before the relationship got serious
did you talk about contrception?
or did you not think it worth it only having nookie every 5 weeks?
|
|
