my ex mother in law her husband and my children

[dalebindi]

i really need some impartial advice as i am in a situation that i cannot see clearly as i am so involved

my children are 13 and 15 and have very limited contact with their father - its been over a year now - i have however with difficulty kept a fairly civil if not strained contact with his mother who also has no contact with her son

the problem is this she sees the children very rarely as she is so busy - her words - and she has remarried for the fourth time and has the problem of morphing into the person she is with immediately taking on all of his interests as hers and generally acting as a surrendered wife

during a rare day out yesterday there was an incident where my son did not want to test his blood sugars - he is diabetic - which resulted in a fairly unpleasant outburst from her husband which upset us my question is am i being unreasonable asking that she sees my children more than 4 times a year and how should i deal with her husband who seems to make unpleasant comments whenever he feels like it - i think he believes children should be seen
and not heard

this has being going on so long and i dont know if i am being unreasonable or not please help thanks

[cathfromsaron]

not unreasonable at all, and your children need only see who you think are helpful and responsible!

cath x

[ladybirder]

I think it's up to her how often she sees her grandchildren. If they ask not to have to see her new husband then I think you could ask that he is not present but be aware that that could cause a rift.

[missprim]

If I was in your position I would talk to the boys about their relationship with their Grandmother and ask them do they wish to see her more often and whether they would prefer that her new husband wasn't there when they do.
At 13 and 15yrs old they are both imo old enough to decide who they see and who they don't.
When you have reached a decision about it, then inform your Mother - in - law.

[AliceTickband]

your children, your rules......simples.....and if others don't like it, they can always lump it.

[brenda]

What an ignoramus this new husband seems to be-- no idea about diabetes and the difficulties this may cause for a very young person. Acceptance of diabetes is sometimes very hard indeed for a youngster.

I would not have anyone in my house who was not prepared to keep their comments to themselves about my chidren or myself.And would not be prepared to repair any damage after they had gone.

[tillyh345]

I agree with missprim they are old enough to make their own mind up who they want to see. Your MIL must know she will reap what shes sown. Good Luck with it x