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8 year old daughter is rude

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billybunny | 13:15 Sun 03rd Jan 2010 | Parenting
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Hi, I have an on going problem with my 8 year old daughter. Shes very confident at home and doing well at school, however, when she's around people that she doesnt know very well, she will not speak, even to just say hello. As an example, my brother lives away from us and we probably only see him about 3 or 4 times a year. When he visits, my daughter refuses point blank to speak to him or even acknowledge him. She is obviously old enough to remember him and who he is but she still acts this way. She is like this with anyone who she doesnt have regular contact with. Her dad (my ex) is really struggling with this behaviour. If he sees friends when he's out and he stops to chat and they say hello to her, she wont acknowledge or speak to them. She also has to be prompted all the time to say please and thank you. Obviously this is bordering on rudeness. Myself and her dad always promote basic manners. We dont expect her to chat away care-free to complete strangers but she cant seem to grasp the concept of basic manners no matter how much we try. We have tried talking to her on many occasions about this and teling her off when she doesnt say thank you for things. Even on her birthday and Christmas it was a struggle to get her to say thank you for her presents. Help please anyone. Thanks

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It sounds like its more down to shyness. You've done the right thing to teach her manners; its all in there and will put her in good stead later on when she's overcome that.

My 15 year old daughter is exactly the same. Its not really a case of rudeness more a case of finding it difficult to communicate with people outside her primary contact zone (eg the people she lives with).
I agree with Booldawg. My youngest son was very shy. When he started school he didn't speak to the teacher until Christmas, and it's only in the last year that he's started to speak to one of my best friends, even though he has seen her fairly often over the years and we've even been on holiday together, our family and hers. My son is now 15, so it obviously takes a while for some children to overcome their shyness to the point where they can speak to people they know!
It can be embarrassing for young kids to thank people for presents an easier way is writing thankyou notes, it also means more to the person who sent the present to know it really was appreciated.
If she is just shy she should be able to talk to you about this and you could just ask her to just say hello and at least look interested.

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